Slightly hungover and with a lack of sleep we floated south down the Mekong river. I had a profound moment as I listened to The Greatest Generation album by The Wonder Years and started making a list of all the notable firsts I’d had since I started travelling. The list will probably be massive by the end but isn’t that the point? After 5 hours on the boat and another amazing lunch we arrived at the Pak Ou caves. After ascending what felt like a never ending staircase we had a quick look and then were back on the boat. The caves weren’t that great, most interesting though was the fact that the local people take Buddha statues and place them in the cave so there were a lot of them. Some of them 100’s of years old.
We arrived in Luang Prabang around 5.30, leaving Lar behind as he had to get in a Tuk Tuk that was carrying our luggage all on his lonesome, which for some reason had the whole group laughing like hyenas.
We settled into our new hostel, a cheap and pleasant looking place, and agreed to meet at 7 to go for food. We went to the Lao Lao gardens in what would be our last meal with Lar, a truly emotional moment :,(
80% of the group ordered the Water Buffalo burger, a special recommended by the guides. This was our first introduction to food service in Laos. It had been similar in Thailand but not quite as drastic. It’s the polar opposite to what I’m used to in England where they make sure to bring all your meals at the same time so that you eat as one. Whether that is eating as a family, a couple, or a group of mates. In Laos the food comes out in a haphazard order with no real logic attached, it takes some getting used to.
The point is that mine and Christina’s meals were 3rd and 4th last out of the whole group. Mine, to my delight, came just as I ordered minus cheese: Water Buffalo Burger with French fries. When Christina was handed hers an abominable action had taken place and they had substituted the fries for crisps. She was absolutely devastated bless her. I did the honourable thing and shared my fries with her, although I don’t think they were enough to fill the hole in her heart, or her stomach. The burger itself was amazing. The only way I can describe it is to use an old cliche I don’t understand. I’d compare it with beef and say ‘same same, but different’. We headed back for an early night as we had a fun filled day awaiting us on Friday.
I awoke around 8am to get ready to head for the Kuang Si waterfalls at half past. Our guide recommended we get there nice and early to avoid the hustle and bustle and have the pools to ourselves. This advice would have been sound if we weren’t such mongos. The plan was to head to the top of the waterfall at the beginning while it was cooler, take some photos, enjoy the view and head down for a swim. We however took an over 30 minute detour through the jungle before heading to the top, It was completely planned.. Honest.
As we made our way up the correct path to the top a loveable stray joined us. I worried a little that it wouldn’t be able to make it’s way down but I’d carry it if I had to. And so I did sort of have to. At the top of the waterfalls there are pools of water about waist deep, the dog managed to fall in. Obviously. I ran to save it’s life but it had already clawed it’s way out somehow. I decided I couldn’t in good conscience leave the dog up there, knowing it could fall into big trouble. I hoisted it up into the protection of my arms and made sure he got down safe. He then ran off paying me no thanks for my service at all. The cheek of it.
After our much quicker descent we stripped off and jumped into the lovely looking pools fed by the waterfall. The water was cool but it was nice and refreshing after our intense climb. After a quick dip we headed to the Moon Bear sanctuary and learnt all the atrocities that are committed against their poor race. It’s really incredibly sad how they are kept in tiny cages while bear bile is extracted from their body, then cruelly killed. Furthermore it is sad to think how it’s extracted for a totally illogical reason. The bile has no scientifically proven positives for use, it’s similar to rubbing a toad on your chest when you have a cold and expecting to be miraculously well in the hour. It gets worse when the medicine it is used as a substitution for is cheap and can be produced without harming animals.
After a quick baguette, Laos is big on baguettes due to a French influence stemming from colonisation, we headed to the elephant sanctuary nearby to get hands on with the Oliphaunts!
To start off with we were introduced to Tar, a man I would get remarkably close to later on in the night. After a quick chat learning about the elephants we proceeded to feed them. They weren’t quite as adept with their trunks as I was expecting, unceremoniously dropping their food every now and then. The sound they make when they chew is also hilariously undignified. It sounds like how I imagine a car running over a watermelon sounds. We then took a quick ride on their back which I was slightly dubious about, however we were reassured they could handle our paltry weight. It seemed they have a policy of rotation with the elephants to ensure their safety. It was then time to get ourselves wet and dirty, riding the elephants in the more accustomed place on their neck, in the river. The best part was when a cheekiness you wouldn’t ever imagine hiding behind their laid back appearance, although that may just be me, rises to the fore and they playfully splash you with their trunk in the water.
It had been an exhausting but amazing day so far, however I’m glad to say the fun didn’t end there ladies and gentleman. It was Claire’s birthday! Claire is another of the Stray group and is one of the friends we’ve made so far on our travels. Duty says that when it’s your birthday you have to get well and truly battered, at least in Great Britain you do. Therefore we headed for a Lao barbecue and then drinks! Ahh but before that show got on the road we consumed a whole bottle of Lao Lao between 7 of us at the elephant sanctuary as pre-celebration-celebration. After 5 ‘high-tide’ shots for myself I was feeling rather merry. Not wanting to the waste the alcohol I consumed two tinnies of BeerLao to kill the time. Can you see where this is going yet, dare I ask?
A Lao barbecue is really cool. You get a circular dome that looks like a sieve turned upside down except it has raised edges at the bottom. Broth is poured into the bottom, you then place your meats on the top of the dome and their juices suffuse with the broth giving it a lovely taste. You can also use the broth to cook your veggies and noodles. There’s a large selection of raw meat, unrefrigerated to the dismay of some uptight people – myself being one of them -, you pick what you want on a plate and then take it to your own barbecue and cook it however you want. There’s also a selection of ready made food, this is where I filled my belly the most. They had the best spaghetti bolognese I’ve ever tasted, it had a spicy kick to it which set my mouth to delight, and they even made broccoli attractive to me by deep frying it. Not the most healthy form of eating it but we all have to find our own path. During this I managed to consumer another three large bottles of BeerLao and was raring to go.
We headed for a pub where the buckets were two for one. 25,000 kip per bucket. That’s £2.10 for a ridiculously strong bucket of alcohol. If only I could take Laos home with me. At this point me and Tar decided to share our buckets. For some odd reason, of which I know but wouldn’t care to admit, me and Tar decided to drink our buckets as fast we could. We did about three in half an hour. Add on top of that a Johnny Walker Black whiskey and coke, a lovely drink I couldn’t help but remonstrate over as I drank.
This is pretty much where the evening ends for me, with Tar sucking on my tongue as my first ever bromance with a Laos man flourishes into an almost homosexual experience. I’ll never learn. I remember arriving at the bowling alley. Pray forgive me, I’ve forgotten to explain the ‘bowling alley’. Laos is a communist country, it’s mostly run by ex military men who are rather untrusting and dislike fun, promiscuity, nightlife, and of course all the trouble that comes with it. They’ve seen their neighbouring country Thailand, parts of it anyway, descend into debauchery. Sex shows everywhere, pissed foreigners, and again, all the trouble that comes with such an industry. Therefore the Laos government have seen fit to place a curfew in Laos. All people have to be back in their rooms by 12am, bars and pubs have to close at 11.30 to give people time to get back. This is a general rule, as long as you’re not causing any trouble I don’t think it’s an issue being out later. But, where there’s a will there’s a way. Some genius decided to start a bowling alley that has a license to stay open until around 2 or 3am. When the bars close the Tuk Tuk’s are out in full force. “Bowling!” They shout. We of course headed bowling! I was desperate to see what it was all about. Also of course to keep drinking, as my drunk persona just loves to do.
Bowling was what you’d expect really, it’s a genuine bowling alley and there’s people selling beer. Quite anti-climactic but we got a lane and went to town on it. When we arrived at bowling I decided to urinate in the bushes, against all common sense I thought I had, considering the toilets were about ten metres away inside the building. I stumbled my way through the bushes, falling over multiple times and finding myself quite the epitome of hilarity, chuckling away as I do.
In the end I was pissed as a fart but I could keep my pride intact knowing I outstayed Tar, who ended up puking all over the toilet floor and sleeping in the Tuk Tuk for the last hour we bowled. At least all I did was try to keep drinking and steal peoples go at bowling..
Safe to say that the following day, that’s a Saturday if you’re not keeping track, I spent mostly in bed until the evening. If you’ve been keeping track you might be aware that this Saturday I speak of is also the 14th of February, valentines day. Group sigh together gentleman, on one. Three, two, one, sigh. As you can imagine Christina wasn’t particularly happy with hungover James and wasn’t happy with my drunken antics. Therefore she left me to drown in my guilt and sorrow as she went for a wander. After I’d made my apologies upon her return we marched to the river to a restaurant called Riverside Sunset. We like riverside restaurants almost as much as they like obvious names. To credit the restaurant though the view was splendid and my eyes did pop with delight at the sunset.
Entertainment was provided by a large group of Asians that literally paraded for forty minutes taking photos of each other, the sunset, and a tree. We had an exceptional vegetable curry contraption with coconut milk. It was incredible. My paltry spaghetti bolognese was a huge letdown afterwards, but it was never going to live up to the hype of the curry.
Tune in next time for lazy days, food, and drama, on the next episode of James travelling!
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