How many people can say they wet the bed in Laos?

We were supposed to depart for Kong Lor at 9am, but as we wandered downstairs in the hotel for breakfast I heard Christina cry out, ‘is that the bus?!’, as I turned to look in disbelief and clarified that it indeed was the bus, a horror stole over me that we’d have to spend another two nights at an overly expensive and rather poor hotel, and in a rather poor city. We were very fortunate to stumble upon the bus leaving early and after cancelling breakfast scrambled on, although the hotel brought us bread and jam for sandwiches before leaving which admittedly was very kind of them. 

We quickly got acquainted with the people on the bus, and said hello to some old friends from our first bus journey from Bangkok to Chiangmai, as well as another group who we were with from Chiangmai to Luang Prabang. 

We had a long drive today of over 8 hours and my stomach wasn’t feeling so great. I would describe the drive as forgettable. We stopped off for food at a few points but the choices were as bland as either rice or noodles with chicken, pork, or vegetables. 

However when we arrived in Kong Lor it was a true spectacle, it was truly worth an arduous drive into the middle of nowhere. It’s a very rural town surrounded by tobacco fields, and rice paddies with mountains looming in the near distance. It was like living in a painting harking back to simpler times. It’s only a small village and it seems mostly perpetuated by restaurants and small guesthouses. I could easily have spent a week or two there just getting away from the hustle and bustle of city’s and the constant sight of other backpackers. 

The attraction of Kong Lor however is not the beautiful surroundings nor the people, it is the Kong Lor cave. Kong Lor cave is a 7.5km cave that is open ended. The cave was discovered when people in the village were losing a lot of ducks for no apparent reason, when one day there was a local market and somebody recognised one of the ducks that was there. Upon enquiring where the duck was found they realised it was on the other side of the cave and it must have simple swam through, what a brave set of ducks. My knowledge is a bit rusty here but I believe an expedition was set up with the help of the French Government and people explored the caves. What they found was a wonderful tunnel that transports you into another world.

The cave entrance lies at the bottom of a large mountain, a rough estimate would be about 100 metres tall. We took a boat through the cave on our second day in Kong Lor and it was an incredible experience. As we sped through the cave I fancied myself an explorer breaking new ground on Mars. I kept wishing that the driver of the boat would stop our passage, turn off his headlamp, and allow me to sink into the water in the darkness. There is something attractive to me about floating in pure darkness for a while and forgetting any worries, hearing the water drip and reverberate around the cave, a hope that the darkness would swallow my anxieties and birth me from the cave a pure man. Sadly I couldn’t communicate these sort if inane wishes to our poor Laos driver, and if he were to understand I’m sure he would think me unhinged. I didn’t leave the cave a man reborn from the darkness but it was an amazing trip. It takes about two hours to get through the cave and back so it’s a lot of time to reflect and enjoy. 

At the entrance to the cave is a lovely lake with clear blue water. We were obliged to take a dip and it was sweet and cool after the heat of the day. We found a rock about fifteen feet high and after making sure it was safe, as mum would want, we proceeded to jump in. I never thought I’d be so nervous to jump in but a thousand butterflies suddenly burst from cocoons in my stomach, the exhilaration of falling and feeling the butterflies take off was exhilarating. 

At this time I was exhausted and starving so we hit the 1km walk back and grabbed good from a nice little guesthouse down the road. We ate on the decking and it was amazing to be able to sit and eat, both your food and the surrounding views with your eyes. 

After Kong Lor we had a few long days of travelling in a row, with there not being many places interesting enough to hop off and explore between there and Don Det. The first day we travelled to Thakek where we stayed in a lovely hotel overlooking a wide berth of the Mekong river. On the evening we went as a group for food, once again to the best restaurant chain in Laos, this time not ignorant. After a few days off of western food, mostly eating amazing Laos curries, I got back on the hype train with a chicken burger which was a bit of a letdown. However the White Russian I treated myself to was more than enough to make up for it. 

From Thakek we travelled to our second homestay. On the way we stopped at a temple that was considered very lucky and sacred as bombs had been dropped around that area but never exploded on the temple. They had a library with a lot of old Sanskrit scrolls written on bamboo which was really cool. 

After arriving at the homestay we retrieved a ball from somewhere and played football for a bit, or more aptly beachball as we were on sand. The hear was sweltering so I had to throw buckets of water over myself after and then have a nap before food. The spread of food was cooked by out guide Chao, as well as some helpers from the group. The spread looked really good but sadly I had no appetite at all and wasn’t feeling great. The only answer was to get drunk. Chao was really cool and had bought a bottle of Lao Lao as well as two bottles of Lao whiskey he mixed into a massive whiskey and coke. The group proceeded to drink and bond like only drinking ,or having a common enemy, can make you. 

Drinking games commenced and then some local Laos children came out and started playing with us way past their bedtime. We had a lot of fun, running around with them on our shoulders, playing shoulder wars, and arm wrestling. Safe to say I woke up the next day and I was sore. I don’t remember going to bed but to my utter shame I remember waking up. When I awoke I had the feeling of dampness, far too strong to be sweat from sleeping. Thinking upon this I decided I must have reverted back to being 3 years old and weed the bed. Instead of trying to hide it I announced it to the room at large and we all had a good laugh. Life goes on, and how many people can say they wet the bed in Laos? 

After setting off at 7am we had an eventful journey. One passenger was sick on the bus multiple times, and at one the stops Christina had gone in the search of food and come back looking like she’d fought a dragon, a big nasty burn on her right leg courtesy of a boiling hot exhaust pipe. 

We all felt grateful to arrive in Pakse in one piece, and we once again descended on a lucky restaurant. The food of choice was Indian. I went for the safe option of Tikka Masala, I can be forgiven it’s been 4 weeks, and I didn’t regret it. It was sumptuous, I could have eaten a whole four plates worth along with four naans. After an attempted wander but nowhere to wander to we went to bed. The next morning would be in Don Det, our next hopping off destination. 

The three V’s

So it was time to leave Luang Prabang and start a new adventure! As sad as I was to leave I was also ready to explore somewhere new. However we had a very bumpy ride through hills and mountains to contend with first. We were arranged to meet for our bus at 7am so decided to wake up at 5am to watch the alms giving that happens every morning. The monks gather and then walk the streets collecting food that is charitably donated by the locals. I thought it would be a wonderful thing to see but it is in fact a quite horrible sight to watch. A large majority of the tourists, and a large majority of these being tourists from China or Malaysia, were so rude. It was infuriating. They would literally point their big cameras right in the faces of the monks and snap a photograph, the flash going off in their face. They even blocked the path at one point. I deliriously wanted to get my flash out and take photos in their faces, see how they like it. However they were so close to the monks that I would have just been adding to the issue so instead had to grit my teeth and bite my tongue. At least I had my cinnamon bun I preordered to look forward to right.. 

Apparently not. When we arrived at the bakery they didn’t have any cinnamon buns. Why then, I ask, did they allow us to preorder two yesterday and not save two for the morning? With no time to get breakfast from anywhere else we had to settle for the fine cuisine of Oreos for breakfast. Not allowing it to dampen my spirits, they are never damp I assure you, I enjoyed my Oreos thoroughly. 

I had started to read It by Stephen King so that and Spotify kept me entertained on our seven hour journey. We stopped off at the loo with a view, which simply has to have the most grandiose views of all porcelain thrones. It’s a toilet on top of a small mountain with a hole cut in the wall so you can ogle over the views while you defecate, or while you urintate if you choose to sit down. 

We were due to arrive in Vang Vieng around 2pm which left us just enough time to go tubing. We were however having money issues due to a certain cash card and we both had been having stomach issues (due to a poor filter), so instead we decided to have a wander around and explore the town. It was probably the worst place we’ve been to so far. It was way more touristy. And when I say touristy I mean the type that like to get smashed and do drugs every night. Not my scene. After a wander and an incredible baguette, if I remember rightly it was: chicken, garlic, bacon, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, and cheese, we headed back to the room to chill out and recharge our batteries. 

That night we met the group and went for a meal. The food wasn’t great but it was our first experience of sitting cross legged on the floor at our table in the traditional style. The others went for drinks but we had an early night before heading for the capital. 

It was another long journey to Vientiane, around 8 hours in total. Some of that time included us visiting the Stupor where Buddhas collarbone is kept, except we got there too late to actually go in and see it.. Good job Stray. 

We also visited the C.O.P.E centre. In this centre they raise awareness and money for Laos people that have suffered from unexplored ordinance, so mines and bombs that were dropped but didn’t explode. Shocking news to me is that Laos is the most bombed country on the world per capita, and has had more bombs dropped on it than the whole of World War Two. I found it incredible that I didn’t know this. Even worse is that Laos is a peaceful country and wasn’t even at war when the bombs were dropped. During the Vietnam war American bombers sometimes couldn’t find their targets, sometimes it was too cloudy or dark, and they couldn’t safely land if they still had their full payload. What was America’s answer to this predicament? Drop the bombs on a nearby peaceful country. I’m full of indignation at the way America has acted and how they have tried to meddle in Asia. But I suppose I shouldn’t be shocked due to the communist influence there is in this part of the world. It was a truly eye opening experience. 

We then had lunch at another Laos barbecue place but it was a case of ordering from the menu at this one. I had a barbecued fish, I’d been interested after seeing them for the first time in Bangkok but hadn’t got around to it yet, it comes whole, skin and all. It was really nice though and came with a brown spicy sauce that was lovely, and I added some spring rolls for good measure. 

Afterwards we settled into our dorm which wasn’t great and was pretty expensive, we’d had much cheaper and better accommodation for 2/3rds of the price. It was an open sixteen bed dorm which got pretty awkward when a couple parallel to us mounted each other in bed. I had a BeerLao as a night cap and just snoozed through what could potentially have been a raucous lovemaking session. 

We were due to leave the next morning, however Christina came down with food poisoning. Something that had affected other members of the group too. Since she couldn’t possibly ride a bus for 9 hours being sick we upgraded to a hotel and strapped ourselves in for another two nights in the capital. Both of our first impressions of the capital were below par so the thought of staying longer had us both a bit down. The first day we spent mostly in bed just recharging the batteries as Christina dealt with her illness. At seven she had gathered up the courage to go for food and we jumped at the chance to have one last meal with some friends we’d made on the tour who were now finished. We went to a posh looking Italian restaurant, not knowing at the time that it is the most highly rated restaurant chain in Laos. I ordered a vegetarian pizza that came with chips on the pizza! It was amazing. Christina pushed the boat out and went for a plain naan bread. 

We used our last day in Vientiane wisely and wandered around the city taking in the sights as we went. We checked out the victory monument, a monument built using concrete that America had flown into the country and the Laos people stole as an act of protest. I had my first noodle soup, which was interesting but I probably wouldn’t order again, and we slowly grew to like the city. In a way I’m glad we stayed as it would have been sad to leave still thinking it was underwhelming. On the night we ate at a bakery/cafe and had our second western dish in a row, only our second  since travelling (I believe). I love Asian food but after a couple of weeks I was craving a burger, of the beef variety. We then shared a caramel slice which was so tasty. Can you tell I’m hungry while I write this? So enthusiastic about food in this moment. 

In the morning we had another early start to head for Kong Lor. 

Feels like home

On Sunday we awoke to the sound of a cockerel braying and a man, or pregnant woman, retching their guts up in what can only be described in an excruciatingly painful manner. We also awoke to a nasty surprise when we heard a knock on our door, instantly we were on edge, why is someone knocking on our door? Who’s knows we’re here? What have we done?! It was a man who works at the guesthouse politely doing his duty informing us we had to check out of the building before 12pm. Cheers mate, thanks old chap, ever so grateful Mister. He gave us an hour notice. Thankfully they did allow us to leave our backpacks as we scoured the neighbourhood for another guesthouse. I say scoured but it’s quite an embellishment as we found a guesthouse about one minutes walk away willing to take us, for about double the price of course but it was only for two nights and times were desperate. Double the price was $9 each btw, quite the bargain.

After getting settled in Christina headed to the local swimming pool with three other girls from the group, and I delighted in finishing my latest literary conquest. On The Road by Jack Kerouac. Afterwards I headed out into Luang Prabang on my lonesome searching for a new book. Since travelling to South East Asia I’ve become increasingly interested in Buddhism and was determined to find a book with which it was the main subject. After three bookstores I found ‘What The Buddha Taught’, written by a monk of high status who was invited to university in England in the 1960’s. I definitely overpaid for it but in my eagerness my brain failed to calculate the correct Kip to Pound conversion. I then sat outside a little bookshop called ‘Tea and Books’ and conversed with three other girls from our stray group while waiting upon Christina’s return. All three groups were planning on exploring the night market so we hatched a plan to explore it together.

I’m not going to say much about the night market as I’m starting to feel they’re all very similar. There was veggie buffet where for the price of 90 English pence you could fill a plate or bowl up as much you could, some people took advantage and piled mountains upon mountains on their dish, defying gravity. That was pretty cool. All I’ll say is going around a night market with nine women did not leave me feeling as pimpy as one might expect. Afterwards we had a beer at a nearby bar until the curfew was enforced and we rested our little heads.

Monday was sadly our last day in Luang Prabang, I think we’d both fallen slightly in love with the place and would be most upset to leave. In the morning Christina joined some girls and went to Yoga while I slept dreamily through the morning. After waking up I headed downstairs to the Aussie bar for breakfast: a cheese and tomato toastie, a slightly expensive one.

For lunch we went to Indigo cafe, what seemed to be a charming little bakery/cafe combination. I ordered a BLT because the menu said it came with fries. Imagine my dismay when my plate turns up and there is crisps instead of fries. After alerting the waiter to this peculiar situation he went to find some fries. Apparently my luck wasn’t in as they had no more. Okay, I thought, I definitely won’t be paying full price considering fries were 25,000 kip on the menu and my BLT was 35,000. A tiny smattering of crisps assuredly doesn’t meet the same value as fries. According to the cafe it does, at which point I vehemently argued, mine and Christina’s faces were red with anger and perspiration from the heat. They then tried to inform me that the BLT sandwich doesn’t come with fries, when it’s under a heading that says ‘all sandwiches served with side salad and fries’. They had no argument whatsoever but once again continued to be stubborn, at this point I was bored and drained. The heat was all consuming. They offered to give me 10% off, including my drink the 10% off the price came to 34,200. The lowest denomination of kip is a 500 note so I assumed they’d round it down. Did they ‘eck, they had the audacity to round it up! I was appalled! Everyone knows you only round up from 5. Either way I walked away with a laugh. Not worth it. I’m still meaning to write a strongly worded comment on trip advisor.

We then walked alongside of the river, partly on a beach. We were driven to near exhaustion and death by the heat when approaching a shop I saw the most wonderful Wall’s ice cream sign I’ve ever seen. Upon quick inspection a Magnum Gold was purchased just in time, this little bad boy just about saved my life. We then met Anna, Chess, and Emily and headed to Mount Phousi! A hill that gives a great view of Luang Prabang and hosts a temple. It was an arduous climb through patient Laos people’s homes but we made it. We got up there in time to watch the sunset. The views were amazing but the sunset rather disappointing. There was a large gaggle of tourists, it was a all a bit of a sweaty mosh pit.

After grabbing a quick bite at the night market we headed to the Belgian Bar as they play a movie on a large projector upstairs and we were missing our films. The film of choice was Amelie, a film I’ve always been interested in but never watched. I settled into the not so comfy wicker chair with my strawberry soda and wound down my last night in Luang Prabang. Goodbye Luang Prabang, you felt like home.

Getting lost, getting dirty, getting drunk.

Slightly hungover and with a lack of sleep we floated south down the Mekong river. I had a profound moment as I listened to The Greatest Generation album by The Wonder Years and started making a list of all the notable firsts I’d had since I started travelling. The list will probably be massive by the end but isn’t that the point? After 5 hours on the boat and another amazing lunch we arrived at the Pak Ou caves. After ascending what felt like a never ending staircase we had a quick look and then were back on the boat. The caves weren’t that great, most interesting though was the fact that the local people take Buddha statues and place them in the cave so there were a lot of them. Some of them 100’s of years old.

We arrived in Luang Prabang around 5.30, leaving Lar behind as he had to get in a Tuk Tuk that was carrying our luggage all on his lonesome, which for some reason had the whole group laughing like hyenas.

We settled into our new hostel, a cheap and pleasant looking place, and agreed to meet at 7 to go for food. We went to the Lao Lao gardens in what would be our last meal with Lar, a truly emotional moment :,(

80% of the group ordered the Water Buffalo burger, a special recommended by the guides. This was our first introduction to food service in Laos. It had been similar in Thailand but not quite as drastic. It’s the polar opposite to what I’m used to in England where they make sure to bring all your meals at the same time so that you eat as one. Whether that is eating as a family, a couple, or a group of mates. In Laos the food comes out in a haphazard order with no real logic attached, it takes some getting used to.

The point is that mine and Christina’s meals were 3rd and 4th last out of the whole group. Mine, to my delight, came just as I ordered minus cheese: Water Buffalo Burger with French fries. When Christina was handed hers an abominable action had taken place and they had substituted the fries for crisps. She was absolutely devastated bless her. I did the honourable thing and shared my fries with her, although I don’t think they were enough to fill the hole in her heart, or her stomach. The burger itself was amazing. The only way I can describe it is to use an old cliche I don’t understand. I’d compare it with beef and say ‘same same, but different’. We headed back for an early night as we had a fun filled day awaiting us on Friday.

I awoke around 8am to get ready to head for the Kuang Si waterfalls at half past. Our guide recommended we get there nice and early to avoid the hustle and bustle and have the pools to ourselves. This advice would have been sound if we weren’t such mongos. The plan was to head to the top of the waterfall at the beginning while it was cooler, take some photos, enjoy the view and head down for a swim. We however took an over 30 minute detour through the jungle before heading to the top, It was completely planned.. Honest.

As we made our way up the correct path to the top a loveable stray joined us. I worried a little that it wouldn’t be able to make it’s way down but I’d carry it if I had to. And so I did sort of have to. At the top of the waterfalls there are pools of water about waist deep, the dog managed to fall in. Obviously. I ran to save it’s life but it had already clawed it’s way out somehow. I decided I couldn’t in good conscience leave the dog up there, knowing it could fall into big trouble. I hoisted it up into the protection of my arms and made sure he got down safe. He then ran off paying me no thanks for my service at all. The cheek of it.

After our much quicker descent we stripped off and jumped into the lovely looking pools fed by the waterfall. The water was cool but it was nice and refreshing after our intense climb. After a quick dip we headed to the Moon Bear sanctuary and learnt all the atrocities that are committed against their poor race. It’s really incredibly sad how they are kept in tiny cages while bear bile is extracted from their body, then cruelly killed. Furthermore it is sad to think how it’s extracted for a totally illogical reason. The bile has no scientifically proven positives for use, it’s similar to rubbing a toad on your chest when you have a cold and expecting to be miraculously well in the hour. It gets worse when the medicine it is used as a substitution for is cheap and can be produced without harming animals.

After a quick baguette, Laos is big on baguettes due to a French influence stemming from colonisation, we headed to the elephant sanctuary nearby to get hands on with the Oliphaunts!

To start off with we were introduced to Tar, a man I would get remarkably close to later on in the night. After a quick chat learning about the elephants we proceeded to feed them. They weren’t quite as adept with their trunks as I was expecting, unceremoniously dropping their food every now and then. The sound they make when they chew is also hilariously undignified. It sounds like how I imagine a car running over a watermelon sounds. We then took a quick ride on their back which I was slightly dubious about, however we were reassured they could handle our paltry weight. It seemed they have a policy of rotation with the elephants to ensure their safety. It was then time to get ourselves wet and dirty, riding the elephants in the more accustomed place on their neck, in the river. The best part was when a cheekiness you wouldn’t ever imagine hiding behind their laid back appearance, although that may just be me, rises to the fore and they playfully splash you with their trunk in the water.

It had been an exhausting but amazing day so far, however I’m glad to say the fun didn’t end there ladies and gentleman. It was Claire’s birthday! Claire is another of the Stray group and is one of the friends we’ve made so far on our travels. Duty says that when it’s your birthday you have to get well and truly battered, at least in Great Britain you do. Therefore we headed for a Lao barbecue and then drinks! Ahh but before that show got on the road we consumed a whole bottle of Lao Lao between 7 of us at the elephant sanctuary as pre-celebration-celebration. After 5 ‘high-tide’ shots for myself I was feeling rather merry. Not wanting to the waste the alcohol I consumed two tinnies of BeerLao to kill the time. Can you see where this is going yet, dare I ask?

A Lao barbecue is really cool. You get a circular dome that looks like a sieve turned upside down except it has raised edges at the bottom. Broth is poured into the bottom, you then place your meats on the top of the dome and their juices suffuse with the broth giving it a lovely taste. You can also use the broth to cook your veggies and noodles. There’s a large selection of raw meat, unrefrigerated to the dismay of some uptight people – myself being one of them -, you pick what you want on a plate and then take it to your own barbecue and cook it however you want. There’s also a selection of ready made food, this is where I filled my belly the most. They had the best spaghetti bolognese I’ve ever tasted, it had a spicy kick to it which set my mouth to delight, and they even made broccoli attractive to me by deep frying it. Not the most healthy form of eating it but we all have to find our own path. During this I managed to consumer another three large bottles of BeerLao and was raring to go.

We headed for a pub where the buckets were two for one. 25,000 kip per bucket. That’s £2.10 for a ridiculously strong bucket of alcohol. If only I could take Laos home with me. At this point me and Tar decided to share our buckets. For some odd reason, of which I know but wouldn’t care to admit, me and Tar decided to drink our buckets as fast we could. We did about three in half an hour. Add on top of that a Johnny Walker Black whiskey and coke, a lovely drink I couldn’t help but remonstrate over as I drank.
This is pretty much where the evening ends for me, with Tar sucking on my tongue as my first ever bromance with a Laos man flourishes into an almost homosexual experience. I’ll never learn. I remember arriving at the bowling alley. Pray forgive me, I’ve forgotten to explain the ‘bowling alley’. Laos is a communist country, it’s mostly run by ex military men who are rather untrusting and dislike fun, promiscuity, nightlife, and of course all the trouble that comes with it. They’ve seen their neighbouring country Thailand, parts of it anyway, descend into debauchery. Sex shows everywhere, pissed foreigners, and again, all the trouble that comes with such an industry. Therefore the Laos government have seen fit to place a curfew in Laos. All people have to be back in their rooms by 12am, bars and pubs have to close at 11.30 to give people time to get back. This is a general rule, as long as you’re not causing any trouble I don’t think it’s an issue being out later. But, where there’s a will there’s a way. Some genius decided to start a bowling alley that has a license to stay open until around 2 or 3am. When the bars close the Tuk Tuk’s are out in full force. “Bowling!” They shout. We of course headed bowling! I was desperate to see what it was all about. Also of course to keep drinking, as my drunk persona just loves to do.

Bowling was what you’d expect really, it’s a genuine bowling alley and there’s people selling beer. Quite anti-climactic but we got a lane and went to town on it. When we arrived at bowling I decided to urinate in the bushes, against all common sense I thought I had, considering the toilets were about ten metres away inside the building. I stumbled my way through the bushes, falling over multiple times and finding myself quite the epitome of hilarity, chuckling away as I do.

In the end I was pissed as a fart but I could keep my pride intact knowing I outstayed Tar, who ended up puking all over the toilet floor and sleeping in the Tuk Tuk for the last hour we bowled. At least all I did was try to keep drinking and steal peoples go at bowling..

Safe to say that the following day, that’s a Saturday if you’re not keeping track, I spent mostly in bed until the evening. If you’ve been keeping track you might be aware that this Saturday I speak of is also the 14th of February, valentines day. Group sigh together gentleman, on one. Three, two, one, sigh. As you can imagine Christina wasn’t particularly happy with hungover James and wasn’t happy with my drunken antics. Therefore she left me to drown in my guilt and sorrow as she went for a wander. After I’d made my apologies upon her return we marched to the river to a restaurant called Riverside Sunset. We like riverside restaurants almost as much as they like obvious names. To credit the restaurant though the view was splendid and my eyes did pop with delight at the sunset.

Entertainment was provided by a large group of Asians that literally paraded for forty minutes taking photos of each other, the sunset, and a tree. We had an exceptional vegetable curry contraption with coconut milk. It was incredible. My paltry spaghetti bolognese was a huge letdown afterwards, but it was never going to live up to the hype of the curry.

Tune in next time for lazy days, food, and drama, on the next episode of James travelling!

A Taste Of Tradition

So on Tuesday morning we headed back to Deejai backpackers, the hostel where we’d left our fellow Strayers on Friday morning. I was excited for the days ahead as we were going to our first homestay. It felt like the first time we were actually getting off the beaten track and covering relatively new ground. I was also starting to get sick of being in a city, a feeling that would reoccur.

We were heading for the Thai/Laos border but on the way we stopped at Wat Rong Khun. Wat Rong Khun is a temple by the artist Chalermchai Kositpipat, who is known for doing religious Buddhist paintings as well as completely whacky paintings like Bin Laden in space riding a rocket. As you can tell this guy must be pretty nuts, like dropped on your head ten times as a baby nuts. I’m not really sure why he built his own temple, maybe it was his take on how a Buddhist temple should be. So far I’ve felt that Buddhist temples are really missing the point when it comes to how glamorous they are, maybe he felt the same.

That’s not to say that Wat Rong Khun is a shed. It’s a stark white temple, large and jagged. It’s so white it’s difficult to look at, especially when the sun is shining. If Sonic fell on it, he’d lose all his rings. It’s awe inspiring but it looks evil, like a temple to worship Sauron or Torak. When you cross the first bridge to get to the island the temple is on if you look down you’re surrounded by hands clawing up from the depths of the earth, begging for blood or food.

Even though it does like slightly evil it is still a beautiful temple, and a unique one. I don’t think I’ll ever see another temple like that in my life. Sadly there was an earthquake a few months ago which meant we weren’t allowed to enter. Which is a shame because inside it has crazy murals like symbols from The Matrix, Freddy Krueger, and Alien.

After our quick stop, we had 30 minutes to explore the temple and it’s surroundings, we hit the Laos border. It was more hassle than needed but we were cheered up by a hilariously rude Chinese man that pushed his way to the front of queue, but had to stand there looking like the big steaming turd he was absorbing our glares and laughter, as border control passed out passports mostly in the order they were handed in. After a quick bus and a dusty Tuk Tuk ride we were in Houay Xai.

We arrived quite late and were only here for one night so we didn’t get up to much. It was a nice little place. It’s basically a border town and is used a lot by British people living in Thailand that cross into Laos, stay the night, then cross back over renewing their visas in the process. It reminded me of an old western town, dust blowing through a street lined with shops and bars. Farm animals and dogs wandering the street like they owned it. We went for tea with the newly assembled group, about 17 people in all which was much larger than our last group of 6. I ordered a fish curry and had my first taste of BeerLao, which has to be one of the best beers I’ve ever had as well as the biggest business in Laos! This isn’t fact but is merely speculation. I’ve strangely only rarely seen Laosian people drinking it though. Although that’s probably because they drink Lao Lao! More on that later though, I’m getting ahead of myself. The fish curry was really tasty but the fish was all boney and it rustled me.

On Wednesday we had an early start as we got a Tuk Tuk to a boat on the Mekong river. We hopped aboard a families boat, their house basically, and set off for the homestay. The boat was long, about two meters wide, and had car seats to sit on. We’d all agreed to pay a small amount and have the family cook us a traditional Laos lunch. I didn’t know what to expect after my first taster of Laos food, I was quite anxious. However the food was incredible, there was a chicken curry soup that was filled with vegetables (especially potato!), there were homemade spring rolls which disappeared in about 30 seconds, fried chicken on the bone, and for desert, watermelon. I just don’t understand how they made all that on a boat.

It was a long journey, around 7 hours. It was really nice to relax though and just float down the enormity that is the Mekong river. I mostly read my new book ‘On The Road’, and soaked up the emotions of Sal Paradise as he headed out west, possibly feeling similar emotions as I headed east.

When we arrived at the homestay we had our first introduction to Lao Lao. We had just gotten sat down after a rather strenuous walk from the beach to the village, not helped by the baking heat, and we’re awaiting what was going to happen next. I can’t speak for other people but personally I felt a bit nervous, a bit like an intruder. We’d been given instructions to help us from disrespecting the villagers such as, no kissing them, no pointing our feet at them as we sat, no placing our hands over the top of their heads, and no kissing them! I was running over these in my mind continuously at first. One of our guides (we had two amazing guides, Pauline and Khamlar, who I will expound upon later) handed the other a ‘bottle of water’ that was actually filled with Lao Lao, let the fun begin.

It is tradition in Lao for the first person to drink a shot, then pour a shot for the next person, and proceed to pour a shot for everyone around the table. It then goes to the next person to begin, and it goes round in a cycle until it gets to the end or you run out of Lao Lao. We only went around twice because there were 17 of us but it’s rude to only go around once, you have to at least do it twice. Lao Lao is a rice whiskey drink, and the one we drank was home brewed in the village. This was the real deal, not your everyday tacky city Lao Lao. At it’s weakest it is apparently 50%, and you can tell! It cuts your throat and burns like you’ve swallowed a drop of the sun, the burn rises up into your nostrils and coats your tongue. It has a unique taste but I’d say it’s better than any of the other spirits I’m used to drinking, namely Sambuca and Tequila.

With our throats burning and the group feeling slightly merry we went for a walk around the village, immersing ourself into the tradition Laos way of life. This meant saying Sabadee (hello) to everyone you meet, and having the children shout farang (foreigner) back at you. The people were all lovely and accommodating, the kids were possibly the cutest I’ve ever seen, and there were loads of cute dogs roaming around. It was pure happiness and so detached from a big city, I was absolutely loving it. To add to the joy I was feeling we each grabbed a BeerLao and headed to the beach to watch the sunset. The view was incredible, the sun hovered over the mountainous hills and continued it’s inevitable descent even as I was willing it to slow down to prolong the moment. Khamlar started showing us his one hand forward flips which were cool, Christina showed off her crab and cartwheel. I couldn’t resist getting into the action and showing off my forward roll, it’s safe to say I left the audience stunned and we decided that was time to call an end to the first best sunrise of our lives in Laos. We walked back into the village to chow down on more tradition Thai grub.

The dishes were similar to what was on the boat and were just as delicious, I can say now almost 12 days on that I’m still missing their amazing curries. After the grub it was time for our Baci ceremony. A Baci ceremony is an old traditional way of being greeted into the village.

We gathered on the floor of the house, all making sure that their feet were not pointing rudely at a local, reciting the instructions to make sure. We formed in a circle around the centrepiece of the ceremony, a circular table that held our Baci ceremony fate.

All the village elders had assembled, as well as a group of interested locals peering in through the front door. Once again I felt a feeling of being an intruder, I also had a feeling that it was all a bit of a charade. If it was such a respected and ancient ritual then why were they administering it to seventeen Farangs, just because they had paid for the privilege? I brushed these thoughts away for the moment and allowed myself to dissolve completely into the ceremony, knowing this was likely a once in a lifetime experience I was determined to squeeze all the life out of it I could.

The ceremony started with us all leaning in, stretching to touch the table while trying to remain cross legged. The village elder also sat in the middle of the circle. He was chanting in a language I didn’t understand but I could tell he was chanting with meaning. Maybe it wasn’t such a charade.

After the chanting it was the part of the ceremony where the elder pours us each two shots of Lao Lao, one at a time. When it got to my turn I was determined to be the best farang he’s ever induced with the Baci ceremony. I gave him my most respectful kop chai (thank you in Laos), palms held together under my chin in the traditional gesture we had been taught beforehand. I did the shot of Lao Lao with gusto, attempting to mask any reflexive grimace with a face you’d only see on a devoted clergyman in a house of worship. I’m not sure he was fooled by my act.

Apparently the Laos people had never heard of the phrase ‘eatings cheating’ as they then passed each of us a bowl with three different foods in. These were: sweet sticky rice wrapped in a banana leaf, a banana, and boiled egg still ensconced in the shell. As part of the ceremony you had to eat one of the three, but as the best Farang they’ve ever seen I was determined to eat all three! And thus I did! However, I don’t think they were particularly awed by the fact.

Then came the last stage of the ceremony. Each of the elders went around the circle and tied a white cotton band around one of your wrists. This seemed to go on for an awfully long time, my arms started to ache from being held out, but I continued to enjoy the experience immensely. I don’t think a smile left my face the whole time. I had no idea what elders were mumbling about but I opened my soul and tried to drink it in, as if they were speaking the voice of the earth and deep down I could understand. I didn’t feel a profound difference after the ceremony, but I did feel a profound respect for a way of life and a humble way of living. It’s so far removed from home that at times it feels like I’ve travelled into a different reality and am not simply separated from home by mere miles.

Once the ceremony was over the festivities continued. There were drinking games and sing-alongs. As the ceremony was ending I had taken the eggs that were remaining in people bowls and proceeded to joke around with them, pretending they were currency and using them at any possibly opportunity. As we (I) descended into debauchery I decided it was a good idea to eat all the eggs, struggling to wolf them down to both our groups and the locals delight. Thus I was awarded the nickname Eggboy, uber creative.
The boys had to stay separate to the girls so me, Khamlar and Michael headed to our designated house, stumbling inside once we’d marked the territory with our urine, a true bonding moment. The sun had truly descended on our homestay visit and we were now under twilight, as the sun arose we bid adieu to the villagers and sailed away on our boat down the Mekong river. Thanks Ban Pak Nguey for an amazing experience. Next destination Luang Prabang.

From A to C

Chiang Mai. We arrived at around 8.15 in the morning and got in a tuk-tuk to the hostel where everybody else in our group would be staying, however beforehand I had done some lengthy research and already booked our hostel. We departed with slightly heavy hearts, saying goodbye to people we’d spent the best part of the last 48 hours with, knowing that we likely wouldn’t ever see them again.
Chiang Mai was way bigger than I expected but also quiet scenic, there is an inner city that is walled in, but as the city grew it has expanded beyond that, sprawling out all the way to the river Ping and beyond. We had around a 30 minute walk to our own hostel, made as long by the fact that we initially headed in the wrong direction. The hostel was tucked away and not easily found, but after asking in another hostel for directions we had made it.
Aio Garden Homes consists of 6 big huts, consisting of two private double bedrooms in each, and a dorm at the bottom. Believe it or not they all reside in a garden. The area was lovely, the room spacious, and for the price of just 350 Baht a night it was an absolute steal. The first day I decided I wanted to laze around and read a lot as I was exhausted from the previous days adventures, as well as the alcohol taking it’s toll on my body.
In the evening we headed out into the dusty streets of Chiang Mai, I was so hungry having barely eaten all day I was willing to settle for anything half decent and within a close proximity. We stumbled upon a small Cafe called Into The Woods that was just around the corner. It was a lovely little cafe with a fairytale theme, they had one wall all painted with a wood and various fairytale characters were present, such as little red riding hood and a gingerbread house. I ordered a strawberry soda drink which was amazing, it came in one of those moonshine glasses which I love, a red curry with rice, as well as a side of cheese wontons. The food was ridiculously nice and was so cheap! The wontons were a highlight, crispy on the outside but soft and gooey in the middle, I can’t emphasise enough how much I’m loving the food at the moment, although admittedly I’d absolutely fucking love a pizza or fish and chips. After saying our thanks (kop-kun-kar) to the lovely ladies that run it we bade our goodbyes and headed into the night, stomachs full and happy.
After being awoken by the local cockerell at 6am, a restless sleep followed before finally waking up. I spent a couple of hours in bed writing my previous blog post, dedication you know wink wink, and then we headed into town for the first time. I really wanted to visit the lost book shop, a riveting shop where you can barely see any of the walls as they are piled from top to bottom with book after awesome book. One of the things I’ve noticed so far is that my appetite for reading is back, I have an itch to read almost non stop, a sensation I have to ignore obviously otherwise I might have well of stayed at home. BUT, I’d finished my initial book I brought with me, ‘Salems Lot’ by Stephen King, and was therefore in need of a replacement. After wandering the shop for at least half an hour, checking out title after title, I decided to buy ‘On The Road’ by Jack Kerouac, a book I’ve been meaning to read for years and certainly fits in to the style of book I’d like to read on this trip.
We also headed to Dada Kaffe, a cafe with a metaphorical hard on for anything healthy. Their menu has smoothies for hangovers, detox’s, weight loss, the lot! The food was also great and it was all cheap. As a typical yorkshiremen I’m sure you can tell I’m loving how cheap Chiang Mai is. I orded an omelette on wheat bread, it had broccolis, peppers, and onions in and it was bellisimo, I think that means something good in Eye-talian. Christina got a smoothie with wheatgrass in, possibly the healthiest substance in the world, they home grow it on their roof. While it may be healthy it also tastes hideous, all you smart people out there have probably worked out the correlation between health and lack of taste, the exception being the banana. They had a very informative whiteboard with all the healthy substances they put in their food and drink, explaining what it is exactly that’s so good about them. I realised all the stuff my body is missing out on, quite scary really but I love taste too much. My brain made a pact with my tastebuds agreeing that they’d make a slight effort to reconcile the issue of my declining health. Whether it was sincere or not I don’t know, you’d have to ask them.
I’d just like to point out here that the red curry from the previous night was wreaking havoc on my body, my intestines were not happy. If anybody saw my walking funny then I apologise. After having a general browse around the area and a failed excursion to wawarat market, we chilled before heading out for tea.
We went to a restaurant called the Riverside, it was on the far side of the river Ping. Such a creative name. At least they weren’t lying, it was indeed next to a river. After waiting more than half an hour for a table outside we finally got sat down. Boy was it worth it. The views were really stunning. All along the river there were restaurants dotted along the riverside, presumably not all called the riverside, and their lights were reflected on the water, illuminating the river like a writhing glowworm. I ordered lemon chicken and and it was so good. I also had a healthy amount of Christina’s seabass in three flavour sauce which was equally as incredible. Don’t worry, I’m not about to go all masterchef describing how the food tastes.
So it’s now Sunday. In England at least Sunday is a day of rest, we thought we’d better stick to our principles and do something we’d been desperate to do but had been putting off until our body truly required it. That thing was a traditional Thai massage. Christina had done some research and we headed to the Green Bamboo massage parlour, a highly rated but affordable location. While here I paid for the privilege of a not skinny Thai woman to use and abuse my body for my own good. My favourite part was when they pulled my toes until they cracked. I couldn’t help letting out the laughter. It was also pretty funny that she kept asking me if I was ‘okay mister?’. It was a really good experience though, they put us in our own seperate room together, massaged us at the same time, I’d liken it to a spa definitely but without the added pomp or cost. I have to say I left with all my knots gone and feeling like a new man, I also have to say that it didn’t last long and by the evening I was more than ready to be abused again. Strangest part about the massage is when they massage your buttocks, felt great but was pretty uncomfortable. She mounted my back while I was laid face first on the floor, knees spread, one on the outside of each buttock, and moved her knees in a circular motion, simultaneously kneading your gluteus maximus while spreading your buttcheeks, a strangely erotic feeling.
On the evening we’d originally planned on heading to the flower festival and the night bazaar, but while walking there we stumbled into a night market that had taken over and transformed the dirty roads we’d grown used to walking on into a festival of light, food, laughter, and shopping. It turns out every Sunday this area of Chiang Mai becomes a night market, what a happy accident. We decided to wander around this area and to head to the night bazaar the following evening.
We walked around the market for a fair few hours, jumping betweens moods of happiness and frustration, happiness at the goods on offer and lovely, cheap, food, frustration at the general public walking slow or virtually stopping in the middle of the path. It was mostly a great night though and was my first experience of milk roast pork. Milk roast pork is my favourite food so far! I have no idea if it actually has milk on or not, all I know is my first experience trying it matched my first experience trying teryaki chicken in Florida, and that my friends is a huge deal.
Now it’s Monday morning and it’s our last full day in Chiang Mai. We got up bright and early, cheers cocky mate, and decided to head to Tiger Kingdom. I’d done a lot of reading about Tiger Kingdom before hand and it was a tough decision to make whether or not to go. In the end what swayed my decision is that I absolutely adore Tigers, they’re possible my favourite animal. In the end that would be my downfall, leading me to not enjoy the experience as much as some other people obviously were.
So if you didn’t know, Tiger Kingdom is an experience that allows you to get up close and personal with Tigers, allowing you to touch them and get photos with them. You choose between four different options, smallest, small, medium, and large. We opted for smallest because they’re the cutest and you actually get to play with them, not just sit next to them while they want to sleep. After not much waiting time we entered the play area and met six young tigers of differing ages and differing sizes, the largest still looking ridiculously small though. Being up close and touching them was a truly awesome experience, but it was marred by the fact that you can tell they just don’t want to be there.
I won’t go into it too much but you can tell from their behavioural patterns that they’re not relaxed nor are they enjoying the experience, they pace up and down seemingly looking for a way to escape, and they always seem to find a corner to lay in, not feeling comfortable being in open spaces. The only time they really seemed natural was when they were playing with each other. The thing that got me was how the other tourists seemed oblivious to their discomfort, that or just chose to turn a blind eye. I got the obligatory photo and that was it for me, I was happy just to be surrounded by them, to watch them, and if one honoured me enough to grace me with his presence I was happy with that too. Walking around the Kingdom afterwards the experience just got worse. The older tigers are shoved into a corner in tiny cages, left to wait until a zoo will buy them I assume. Overall a bittersweet experience.
That evening we headed to the night bazaar, it was quite disappointing after the awesome market the night beforehand, but I bought three more milk roast pork sticks so I was happy! I also gave in and bought some sickening sandles, I’m really enjoying grossing Christina out with them in the meantime.

After that we woke up and headed on a minibus to Laos, an experience I will relay tomorrow. I am now only one day behind on my blog, yay!

5 Days

It seems to have been a whole month since my last post.. what on earth could have happened? I’m utterly appalled with my lack of discipline. I have chastised myself, 100 whips should do it, and now I’m ready to go. Chilling in my second hostel, a tasty garden home where you live in a hut surrounded by plants, water features, backpackers, and of course busy thai roads where the noise of merrhing mopeds is almost constant, it seems a suitable location to cover my first five days of travel.

The Journey

So we set off to the airport at around 9.30am Sunday morning, the only prevailing memories are listening to Murray labour to a tiebreak loss in the first set of the Australian open final, Danno getting irate sat next to me, and the drive through the snowy Pennines which were truly awesome. It genuinely felt like I was in the middle of Antarctica at one point. I had a little thought, why am I going travelling when there’s so much of the UK still to explore?

The Goodbye

Once at the airport we checked our bags in, and then came the emotional goodbyes. Gruff hugs and handshakes between the men, softly spoken sentiments like ‘stay safe’, ‘enjoy yourself’, ‘don’t tap any ladyboys’, you know the usual. Then the tender hug between mother and son, the mother trying to keep her emotions in check, the son trying to comfort her letting her know he’ll stay safe. And don’t worry mom, I’m staying safe!

The Rain In Spain

The plane journey was pretty horrific, two back to back flights, 6 and 7 hours long respectively, a lack of sleep, food, not to mention a weight of disappointment in my gut from the double whopper at the airport not living up to expectation. Although that could have just been the Whopper literally sitting in my gut. Let’s just say I was happy to land in Bangkok.

Bangkok

Bangkok is truly and aptly named city for if you’re not prepared for it it is like a swift kick to the cock. And boy was I not prepared, my genitals were banged again and again, mercilessly in bloodcurdling fashion. Okay, it’s not so bad, I just have a taste for the melodrama.

The taxi drive in to the city from the airport was an interesting first taste of Bangkok. It was a fusion of decadent skyscrapers and hotels towering over what I could only describe as shanty towns, almost serving as a testament to the riches they’ll most likely never have. Then we’re swiftly into backpacker central; there’s dreadlocks everywhere, bandannas, tattoos, seemingly a Chang beer never out of sight, and of course the scammers. A delectable mixture of ingredients for a truly Alice in Wonderland experience, falling through the rabbit hole of reality into the unreality of Bangkok.

After settling down in our hostel, which included shedding a little tear at the messages my family had left me in my book, we headed out into the unknown, totally unprepared. Immediately I was surrounded by Burmese men offering me suits on all sides, as though I would need a suit for the travelling I’m doing over the next six months. They are right though, I am planning on heading to 57 weddings, 22 funerals, and 39 job interviews. I promptly ordered 5 suits from each. I now felt prepared.

After a wander and in all honestly feeling pretty lost, like I didn’t belong, thinking ‘surely this isn’t why people travel, we headed back to our hostel for a nap because boy were we exhausted. After a nap and a shower my mind and body both felt slightly refreshed, so we headed out once more into the lions den, a little more aware of what we were getting into. Except, it changes at night. It almost becomes charming. The stalls on the side of the road disappear, widening the street and giving you less tunnel vision, allowing you to see the idyllic little shops and boisterous bars, side by side like two jigsaw pieces that you’ve jammed together because you’re too lazy to find the piece that fits. There are lights all down the sides of the street, up the buildings, illuminating it in many different colours, it was at this point I started to feel slightly vindicated in my decision to travel.

We decided to sit down in a nice little restaurant come bar to have a Chang beer and to people watch, I could start to feel myself settling into the vibe that Bangkok has to offer.

The second day was rather disastrous so I’m only going to touch on it a little bit, this blog is mostly for good memories you know. We planned to head to the Vietnamese embassy to sort our visa for when we visit later in the trip. We got halfway there and realised we’d forgotten our passports, d’oh. It then took us several hours to figure out our way back to our hostel to pick them up, but it did end well with us having an awesome boat ride down the canal. I also picked up a blueberry tea thing from a little stall called Ochaya, it’s a chain in BK but it was incredible. I’d love another right now.

On the evening we went for food at the same restaurant/bar and I had Pat Thai, it was very tasty. Afterwards we chilled in the social area of the hostel and it was a really nice chilled evening after a rather stressful day.

Grand Palace and Wat Pho

So we’re now on Wednesday, our last full day in Bangkok. I must admit that I wasn’t dreading the thought of leaving, on the contrary Bangkok wasn’t what I was searching for and I was quite excited to leave. But not without first seeing the culture it has to offer! It turns out it is there, you just have to leave Khao San road and the surrounding areas. Who would have thought.

Our first destination was to the grand palace, after haggling with a taxi driver of course. We got there around midday and headed in, my heart and soul were completely open, I was a cultureless sponge ready to absorb. It was amazing, something about it resonated with me, with my imagination. There use of mythical creatures in their architecture and their stories I find fascinating, I’ve always been a bit like that though. Anything mythical or fantastical sets my brain a light and my imagination into overdrive. Probably my favourite part were the murals all along the insides of the outside wall, depicting Rama raging a war to rescue his kidnapped wife. You could stare at it for hours and find new things, I likened it to a where’s Wally book at the time. Needless to say the architecture was incredible, every little part of the building constructed painstakingly, you can’t help but admire their attention to detail. The temple in the palace grounds was also fantastic. I entered with a feeling of awe, ready to be reconstructed on a spiritual level. Alas, I left unchanged but with a fantastic experience gained.

When we returned to the hostel, after disastrous boat journey and a psychotic taxi driver might I add, we decided to join our fellow hostel stayers and go for a few drinks. Well, what a disaster that turned out to be. I met some lovely people and had a great time until a point, but after that it goes blank apart from a few hazy moments. So, it started off with a Heineken and a Jim Beam and coke, it was pretty strong but so far so good. Then we foolishly bought a Muay Thai bucket.. It goes downhill from there. Next minute I’m eating scorpions and doing Jagerbombs! Christina sensibly went home but I stayed out.. Somehow we ended up in a club. This is where my memory goes blurry, I remember drunkenly stumbling down hallways after going to the toilet, no idea where I am nor where the people I was with are. I don’t remember leaving but I do remember wandering the streets of Bangkok thinking I was going to die. An anti-hero taxi driver showed up to save me, taking me back to the hostel while overcharging me, what a guy. Short story is I got Bangkok’d, watch yourself out there kids. P.s, sorry mum.

It’s safe to say I was still very drunk the next morning and had a 9am bus to catch to Ayutthaya, not my most dignified nor enjoyable journey. Ayutthaya itself was a great time, we went on a boat journey all the way around the river and checked out three temples. The first two were pretty generic but the last temple we saw was amazing. Wat chaiwatthanaram was the best temple I’ve seen so far. Originating as a Hindu temple before being converted to Buddhism, it was sacked by the Burmese in the 1700’s I think. The thing that stood out the most was how it had been allowed to decay, unlike the other temples I’ve visited that don’t show their age at all. It had a large tower in the middle, surrounded by 4 little ones in a square. The tower in the middle had a very steep staircase you could walk up and the views from the top were incredible, it was an amazing experience. For the rest of the day we rented bicycles and cycled around, visiting the floating market and undertaking some dangerous riding on roads I’m pretty certain we weren’t supposed to be on. We managed to find our way round okay though.

We took an overnight train to Chiang Mai and I absolutely loved it, it felt like a truly authentic travelling experience. There’s 4 beds in each compartment, two top bunks and two bottom. I was on a top, surrounded by a 5 person strong inconsiderate Chinese family who took up all the luggage space, leaving me to squeeze myself and two bags onto my tiny bed. Let’s take a moment to feel sorry for me. We’ve been in Chiang Mai for 4 days now. I’m hoping to write about that tomorrow as this blog post is long enough as it is!

To sum up it up, Bangkok isn’t what I’ve been searching for so the journey and the search continues.

Squeaky Bum Time!

Sooo.. It’s been a while, but what can I say, I’ve been a busy busy boy. Put it this way, I’m now no longer worried about my financial situation! I’ve been working a lot of hours since my last blog, as a consequence I haven’t had much of a life since my last blog post, and when I do I tend to get black out drunk and not remember it, smart huh?

It started when there was a delay for me to get onto nights as the store I was currently working in was understaffed and couldn’t afford to lose me, therefore a compromise had to be reached where I worked three nights a week and two days. Thankfully this was a short term thing for only two weeks because my word, for those two weeks I was the most depressed, anti-social, and purely miserable being in existence. I definitely would advise anyone to steer clear from such a work pattern, but isn’t that obvious..

I’d also started doing my driving lessons during this period as I want to help out when we rent a camper van in New Zealand, just to add to the stress. I’m currently nine lessons in and plan on squeezing roughly ten lessons in in three weeks, then to take my test in the week before we go where I’ll have one opportunity to pass or fail, no do overs today mister! Talk about pressure. Why I do these things to myself I’ll never know. I mean, there is a clear logical reason, but still.

Anyway, about the travelling stuff! I’m not prepared at all but I feel like I’m about as prepared as I can be. How prepared can you be to go travelling for six months over three continents when the furthest you’ve ventured on your own is London? Mentally I’m raring to go, I’m ready to absorb everything I can about the world, like a sponge left in the desert for 22 years desperately yearning to jump in the sea. Unless salt water is bad for sponges (noted for later googling).

I was starting to make a list of everything I needed to do when I decided to start writing this post as this is way more productive, and not to mention high priority on my list, seriously. One of the things I’m most excited to do is document my travels on this blog. There will be so much utility for it down the line: showing my kids, cheering myself up remembering the good times, just reminiscing even when I feel happy, and did I mention showing my kids and teaching them how cool I was?

One of my ideas I want to take from this blog is to grab at least one photo and one quote a day. When I’m home I’m going to make a book with as many pages as days I was travelling, with my chosen photo and quote for each day on each corresponding page. It’s going to be so awesome!

So far on my list I have: worldwide cash card/debit card, pharmaceuticals, and inform bank I’m going travelling. I can assure you there’s far more than that to add! I suppose I should get cracking. Until next time.

The part of travelling nobody enjoys..

Okay, so I have a ridiculous amount of ideas planned for this blog while I travel. Whether or not they all come into fruition is a different matter. Firstly I’ve decided to do a ‘leading up’ series where I talk about the things I’m going through before travelling to give you a sense of what you need to do beforehand, what planning goes into etc. Preferably I should have started this many months ago to show you just how much planning goes into picking destinations but hey-ho, I’m lazy, what’s new?

The main thing I’m worried about at the moment is money, I haven’t been anyway near disciplined enough and despite picking up almost all the over time I can get I’m still far under the amount of money I’d like to have by now. It doesn’t help my current job is only 16 hours per week without any overtime. I’ve managed to move to a bigger store and on nights, moving up to at least 27 hours a week if they haven’t cocked it up, so if I can pick up the over time there I’ll be at least doubling my income for 3 months before I go. If I don’t get this move then I must say I’m desperately worried about the financial situation I’ll be in when I go.

I’m feeling a lot of stress at the moment but I know the situation is out of my control really apart from picking up overtime when I can and not spending money I don’t have, something I could certainly improve on. A long with the stress though is a strong feeling of anticipation and excitement for the journey that lies ahead. I can’t wait to experience the culture, architecture, history, food, and people that these places I’m visiting have to offer! (There’ll be a detailed post of where I’m visiting later.)

The thing I’m possibly most excited to experience though is the nature! Living in England is great but there really isn’t any unknowns left, nor is there much land left that hasn’t been swallowed up by our ever expanding population. I can’t wait to explore the unknown and no doubt get lost and butchered by a wild cannibalistic tribe. Sure, there’s been travellers before just like me who’ve explored and found little gems, such as hidden waterfalls off of the radar, or a tiny secret beach where only 3000 couples have sweetly made love in the sand before, but despite that I will no doubt feel like Bear Grylls upon discovering such hidden pearls in the metaphorical oyster that is my world. apparently.

That’s it for now! I haven’t written in a while, I hope it’s not too much of an arduous read. It’ll take a while for me to shake of the webs and stop using such asinine words as asinine. Ass in nine.