Freedom In Isolation

From Kampot we got a good nights sleep and the next morning we were on a long tail boat to Rabbit Island. Cambodia is a country I’d never associate with islands so the fact I was visiting a second island during my stay was quite shocking to me. Coco informed us in his own way, lots of roundabouts and repetitions, that Rabbit Island itself isn’t the most beautiful island but is secluded, and as natural as any island you’re likely to find in modern times yet can stay on in relative comfortability.
We stayed at a guesthouse on the island but it wasn’t a guesthouse per se. There were about twelve beach huts spread out along the grass verge above the sand of the beach, we stayed in one of these. Our day there wasn’t spent doing much. We explored as far up the beach as we thought we could, read books, and listened to music on the beach while watching the waves. Then I chilled out in a hammock while Christina went snorkelling.

At the centre of the beach huts was the main building, a beach hut bigger than the rest. We all surretipiously met outside the entrance late in the evening, as we congregated one by one to order food or drink beer. In my case you can substitute beer with Jim Beam. I’d ordered Jim Beam and coke but what I actually got was the reverse of what you’d expect, a large glass of Jim Beam with a shot of coke. I was definitely feeling it after.

We met Phil and Mim, an english couple who are just as cool as they sound. We spent the night chatting away with them, drinking, and eating barbecued fish. I was disappointed in myself that they were so much more experienced at eating their fish than me. They could have gotten twice as much fish off mine as I did. We exchanged hilarious stories and in the end it was a really great night. During said night I laid awake without electricity, in the dark, sweating, listening to the dogs barking and howling just wishing beyond everything I could sleep, charge my kindle, or jump into a bath of cool water.
After managing to sleep at around 5am, we were up at 6.30 getting breakfast before we left to Pnomh Penh. It was this morning that I had one of my favourite memories of travelling so far. Waking up in a hut on the beach, opening the door to an amazing view of the mainland framed by the harbour, I ran out into the sea, arms stretched wide in victory as well as to embrace the openness of the experience. I swam out until my feet couldn’t touch the bottom and floated, allowing myself to spin and drift, soaking in the views and the freedom I felt. Sadly that freedom only lasted so long as we did have a boat to catch.

Fireflies Light Up The Night (or not)

Since we’d hopped off we had a new guide: Monsieur Coco. A lovely Cambodian man with great English but a tendency to ramble on and repeat himself multiple times. On the way he described to us two potential plans for the day, it took him about half an hour to say we could drive out and see the salt and pepper farms, something Kampot is famed for, or we could go see some waterfalls.

Instead our group decided to do neither. Me and Christina couldn’t really afford to pay to go on either trip without a group so were left with exploring Kampot. It was actually a really nice town, though I still wasn’t feeling 100% so wasn’t up to exploring too much. We searched in vain for a bakery Christina had seen on the way in for about an hour before we stumbled upon it. It turned out to be disappointing but I ordered bread and butter pudding which was decent. It’s a traditional English dessert but this was the first time I’ve had it! In Asia.

Dusk was beginning to settle over the small town of Kampot as we made our way towards the river. Coco, our guide, had walked us around the town showing us certain monuments such as the Durian statue, a statue of a bowl of fruit weirdly enough. There were Lychee’s, Guava’s, and something else that I quite simply couldn’t get my head around, I’m pretty sure whatever it was I was mixing it up with the Lychee’s. The Durian stood in the middle, larger than the rest about three metres in height. Thankfully it wasn’t real, issuing it’s sewage-like smell at a larger than normal scale, otherwise I think we’d all be dead.

He also stopped us at an insect stall where we tried local delicacies like frog and grasshopper. The frog was not what I expected, small and whole, bones ‘n’ all! As you can imagine it was crunchy but was interestingly tasty. It was nice of him to do that as without him exerting a little bit of pressure on us to do it, I’m not sure I would have.

We walked along the path next to the riverbank, watching the water run slowly and smoothly looking like glass, reflecting the setting sun and the old bridge like a mirror, it was refreshing to feel the river suck some of the heat out of the day. Our final destination was a riverboat that would take us to see some fireflies. Fireflies are something I’d only ever dreamt of seeing, they’re such amazing and beautiful creatures, on the surface anyway. They are flies afterall.

The riverboat arrived, looking slightly like a barge and with a confusing design. The deck and stairs looked detachable from the boat, confusing Christina as to whether or not we were actually on the boat. We got some great seats, grabbed a couple of beers, and enjoyed chatting about where we’d been, and finding out about the countries and travels of the other people in our group.

As we’d been drifting for twenty minutes or so the sun was way into it’s downward cycle, throwing beautiful shadows and bringing out dusky colours I never knew existed in the nature around us. To our left were a large spine of hills running paralell to the boat. The sun was setting behind them, throwing them into a deep silhouette. A seemingly perfect backdrop.
We ordered some local food on the boat which turned out to be less than average, but we were too busy looking around us to really pay attention. When it had gotten fully dark we stopped next to a group of trees, the boat shut off it’s engine and all the lights we’re put out. We waited expectantly. For myself I was expecting bulbous bugs emitting bright lights you couldn’t possibly miss. I admit it, Hollywood got to me. The reality was like looking at a large christmas tree, lacking in lights, and then said lights lacking in power. After I got over my initial disappointment I could appreciate the beauty of such a natural phenomenon, although in my heart of hearts I hope I see better fireflies in my lifetime, if they do exist.

Serendipity By Day, Indifferent By Night

Obviously I was horribly hungover. My hangovers are simply worse than anyone else’s. That or I’m weaker than everyone else. I prefer the first explanation. I’ve never seen anyone get afflicted as much as I. Anyway, the point is there was a long day ahead. Our first plan of action was to drive until lunchtime, where we stopped near a unique temple in Cambodia and some stupors. The temple was unique because all Buddhist temples usually face east but this one faces west, or some variation of that. Philosophically it has four facings and faces all directions at once but whatever.

I neglected to mention that the temple and stupors were on a hill, up a lot of steps. Thankfully I didn’t neglect to mention I was hungover so you can imagine the torture of walking up these steps in the vociferous heat. I was covered in bodily liquids, I couldn’t tell if it was sweat, tears, or alcohol anymore, in the end it was a devilish cocktail of the three. I named it the Devil’s Threeway. It’s copywrited for when I start my own club so don’t even think about it.

At the peak of the hill was a newly built stupor, made completely of white marble. It was the Minas Tirith of stupors. Even if Minas Tirith is made of rock. Even in my state I was able to appreciate the magnificence of it. Our guide told us it is apparently to hold the ashes of Guatama Buddha, he didn’t seem so sure though. It’s definitely bullshit. After taking some photos and trying Tamarind with some weird sauce, it was absolutely awful, we got back in the bus and headed for Sihanoukville and serendipity.

We arrived just after 6pm at Mick and Craig’s guesthouse, our home for the next three nights. We’d decided to hop off in Sihanoukville as there is the island of Koh Rong which one of Christina’s friends recommended to us. From the way it was described from reviews it seemed like something of a paradise. A beautiful island not too ruined by mass tourists yet. Hopping off left us five nights to play with so we decided to spend three in Sihanoukville and two in Koh Rong.

For our first night we had our first taste of Serendipity beach. You couldn’t see that much in the dark but it reminded me of a beach I once went to in Puerto Rico when I was maybe eleven. Across the top of the beach there were bars and restaurants lined up, then there were chairs spread out halfway across the beach with tables. I ordered a burger because it was relatively cheap and I was feeling something unhealthy. We shared a couple of beer towers between the table but after my food and a couple of drinks all I wanted to do was sleep for a week so I went to bed.

With our last day on Serendipity before Koh Rong we decided to just chill the F out. We’d not been in a place as visually stunning yet and we’d had some hard travelling so a day of recharging sounded nice. We headed out around 12pm after Christina had found accommodation for us on the island. We explored most of the beach and found a nice little bar that was out of the way. We ended up sitting there for a fair few hours eating, drinking beer, getting pedicures, massages, and having a lovely chat with an elderly English couple.

On the evening we went out with the rest of the group again, after a few games of pool of course. Or should I say Billiards! It was actually Billiards. We went to a bar near to where we went during the day but further down the beach. It was owned a pleasant but slightly awkward scouse man. I had a fish steak and it was so good. Even now over a month later it’s still one of the best meals I’ve had, and that’s a massive compliment. The night continued with more beers before I had my first taste of a Danish cigarette. It was tightly packed and pretty fucking thick. It wiped me out so I went back to bed after, it was a late 11.30 pm.

It seems early but Sihanoukville is really touristy and especially on Serendipity Beach quite the party town. That’s not really my scene if I’m honest. I just prefer drinking and chatting with my mates. Not having to shout to each other in a club and dancing awkwardly to songs I don’t like. If it’s a club that plays my sort of music I’m straight there but that was never going to happen in Cambodia. I think one of the things I miss from home the most is just chilling out with my mates and drinking before we get a bit rowdy and hyper in Duchess, even if it does get a bit monotonous. I also just miss the bromance and camaraderie you get with a group of mates. I’ve had it on a few occasions for small periods but it’s definitely not the same.

The next morning we would depart from Serendipity at 10am for our first taste of white sands and clear blue seas. I for one was just looking forward to being lazy on the beach for a day and resting my weary limbs, or as I like to say in real life, ‘doing fuck all’.

Beer and Cobra Blood

From Siem Reap we had a relatively short drive of around three hours before we arrived the large city of Battambang, population one million. When we arrived we ordered food and while we waited we had a short wander around the nearby streets. Battambang didn’t seem much different to any other Asian City I’ve visited if I’m honest, so I wasn’t too disheartened when after dinner we left to have a go on the bamboo train. The bamboo train has a slightly misleading name. This might just be me being naive but I expected a train in the shape of a steam train but made of bamboo.. This definitely wasn’t the case. It was actually just a flat board of bamboo planks that lays on top of four wheels that themselves attach to the train tracks. The whole thing is detachable as there are only one set of tracks with trains coming both ways. So the way it works is, if you’re heading one way and there are two ‘trains’ coming towards you, you have to stop and lift yours off the track to let the others go past. The drivers stop and help each other which I thought was nice.

Afterwards we were shown around a brick factory. The word factory makes you think of a big ugly building where there’s hundreds of workers slaving away, it was actually just someones back garden with a large kiln in. I found it extraordinary that in Cambodia it’s cheaper to build a house out of brick than it is wood. This is due to Cambodia’s forests being depleted so the government have made it punishable by law to cut a tree down. Not that it stops people altogether, it opened up an unwholesome black market worth a lot of money. Which begs the question if criminalising things actually helps or if regulation is the way forward. Ahem, drugs.

From the brick factory we headed to our last homestay of our trip and our first in Cambodia, stopping off at the statue of Battambang on the way. It’s a big statue of a Cambodian man sat kneeling, holding a big stick across his upraised palms. He used to be an incredibly strong king, but the story goes a young teenager beat him in a duel by mounting a horse during combat. The king was cocky and fought him on foot. He launched his stick like a spear at the teenager aiming to knock him off the horse but missed, his stick flew into the distance and formed a large river where it fell. Weaponless, the king was defeated. I love it! Some people actually believe these stories, which I find quite disconcerting. But I remember the profound moment in Life of Pi where at the end the man says, basically, would you rather hear the real story or a fantastical story. I know which one I’d rather hear.

When we arrived at the homestay we were shown how they make ‘rice wine’, which isn’t actually wine at all but is actually an absolutely fucking disgusting spirit. It was a pretty interesting insight into how alcohol is made in general but also how not to waste anything and their ingenuity. We then went to check out the local school where I spent an awkward few minutes trying to interact with the kids while they ignored me, laughed at me, looked at me awkwardly, and then looked at me like I was crazy. I walked off with my tail between my legs feeling like the dog doo on the bottom of your shoe. I channeled this feeling into the game of volleyball we then had. One whole beer was on the line and I poured my heart and soul into the game. The ground was rocky but it wouldn’t stop me, I dived for the ball scabbing my knees in the process. It’s a shame then that I was pretty much terrible at volleyball and we lost. Such a wasted effort.

The others stayed at the school for a while longer while me and Nikolai bought some beers and get started ahead of the nights festivities. We spent the rest of the night playing card games, drinking beer, eating, drinking more beer and playing more card games. At one point the family brought us a bottle of rice wine mixed with cobra blood. Yummy. I ended up having quite a lot of it even though it tasted awful. It disagreed with my stomach, as I realised the next day when I woke up and was violently sick multiple times.

I made it to the toilet, at least.

More Temples Please

The alarm was set for 7.30am, what we thought was an early morning, but is nothing compared to the swathes of people that descend on Angkor Wat for the sunrise trying to catch that picture perfect moment. Without breakfast we met our tuk tuk driver for the day, Mr Cheat. We swiftly haggled him down to $15 and were on our way. Everywhere you go in South-East Asia the tuk tuks tend to differ in some respect, and in Cambodia tuk tuks are literally just mopeds with a carriage on the back, a slightly disconcerting but stupidly fun way to travel plus a great way to see the sights since you have 360 degree vision.

We arrived just before 9am and the heat was already beating down. As you traverse the steps and head down the walkway you can’t help but stare in awe as the temple stretches across the horizon, personally I was dazed into a reflectiveness on religion, tourists, architecture, and history. It’s hard to imagine looking at it teeming with tourists that it used to be a holy place, that it used to be peaceful, that it was built centuries ago by the human hand.

We wandered around Angkor Wat for around two hours, taking our time and soaking up the history and the incredible buildings, unlike anything I’ve seen before. It’s huge and there probably isn’t a single inch of it where painstaking effort wasn’t taken to carve the stone into a religious symbol. It’s interesting because there are symbols from both Hindu and Buddhism, the two most interesting religions in the world in my opinion, as the temple has been used to worship both in the past. The two religions share a lot of symbols and similarities; they have gone hand in hand in quite a few temples we’ve visited in our time in Asia but nothing like this. Having become increasingly interested in religion in my time in travel not as a follower but simply as someone who loves fantasy, their colourful history fascinates me, as well as observing the human behaviour surrounding it, Angkor Wat was truly stunning and stoked the fire in my imagination. I can see the job title religious historian in my future.

After Angkor Wat we checked out Bayon temple, this temple has a similar history to Angkor Wat in that it has also been used to worship both Buddhism and Hinduism in it’s history. The most standout formation of the Bayon temple are the colossal faces that stare out passively from the top of the towers, facing north, east, south, and west.

It saddens me in a way that these temples have been degraded to a tourist beehive and a money maker. Although admittedly that is a cynical way of looking at it. I much prefer to look at it as though they’re the sharing the temples with us for our pleasure and as an unselfish act. If I was a Monk in Cambodia I would be pissed off however that I’m denied the opportunity to worship at such an incredible place in peace, even if being pissed off is against their religion.

Next up we visited Baphuon temple, smaller than the others and not as impressive, but I’m sure it’s hard for the little guy being so close to Angkor and Bayon having to compete. You weren’t actually allowed inside, I assume there as an inside, but it was a pyramidical (I created this word, make sure to give me credit ;)) structure with for sets of stairs on each facing. We walked along an elevated stone walkway to reach the temple also which was impressive. Sadly by this point the weather was having it’s way with us. Southern Laos was an oven, Cambodia is the surface of the sun. At around 1pm we retired to the safety of the hotel for a shower, a cool down, and food.

I’d like to mention here, since I forgot earlier, a really memorable moment (the irony..) where we picked up my favourite souvenir so far. As we ate in the shaded tents lined up a few hundred metres from Angkor Wat we were constantly pestered by children to buy bracelets, postcards and magnets. We’ve been told not to buy from children because it encourages parents to keep them out of school, amongst other things. There was no temptation to go against this as obviously I believe these kids should be in school, and what they were selling was just crap. Christina was writing a postcard at the same time a little boy came over and tried to sell us one, she showed the him the one she was currently writing and apologised. After trying to sell us some anyway he started to enquire into what she was writing, showing a genuine interest. He then proceeded to draw a picture of Angkor Wat in his little notepad and gave us it for free. After some deliberation I decided to give him a dollar for it, thinking that it might be encouragement and a lesson that creating things can bring reward whereas selling rubbish won’t. I like to think of myself as a teacher and a guide obviously. However writing this I can’t help but feel he does this for all the tourists and rakes it in, I’m okay with that as it means he’s already learned the lesson I was trying to teach.

At the hotel we had a potato curry each, I ordered Khmer potato curry and Christina ordered a Burmese one (these could easily be the other way round, I can’t remember). Either way, Christina’s came with actual crinkle cut chips in the curry itself and mine didn’t so I was ultimately jealous. The rest of the day was spent exploring Siem Reap, checking out some markets, shops, Blue Pumpkin bakery, as well as having a few more beers on the ever lightened, ever slightly rowdy pub street.

In the morning we set to depart Siem Reap, we would have loved to stay but there were far too many temptations to waste money on incredible food and beer. In the grand scale of the trip we couldn’t condone it. We did however decide it would be a great place to visit again on a normal holiday, living in luxury for cheap and eating all the incredible food. I definitely can’t wait to return.

Cambodian Christening

We met our new Stray guide called Kit Kat for all of 20 minutes, he seemed like a really cool guy and from what I’ve been told since he seemed like he would have been an amazing guide. When we got to the border we had some guy who took care of the whole passport situation. All we had to do was pay the standard bogus overtime fee. I think we paid something like 20,000 kip which is $2.50. Once this was completed, it took longer than it looks here, we were told to follow our driver and we would depart in twenty minutes. What a sick joke. Our driver was a shifty looking guy with a slightly smirky mouth you simply couldn’t trust. We ended up waiting at least an hour and a half as he tried to cram as many people into the minibus as possible, even though five of the passengers had been sold tickets on the premise that they would only sell ten seats of the bus, therefore leaving more room for comfort. Instead we ended up with one more person than the bus is legally allowed to carry.

With the unrelenting heat somehow increasing as we entered Cambodia, it’s safe to say that none of the passengers were in a particularly jovial mood, instead we all came together and bonded over our hatred for the greedy bus driver. He gave us another reason to hate him when he told us that the current situation was only temporary and that when we arrived at the first stop we would unload five passengers. Unsurprisingly we picked up some different passengers, a long with a new driver. Good riddance, I say!

Never was the saying ‘better the devil you know’ more fitting in any situation. Our new driver was an emaciated middle aged Cambodian man who looked partial to drugs, or at least he was in his youth. As we squeezed back in to the van, the first two hours of our journey to Siem Reap went, as far as we were aware, without incident, however for the poor Frenchman sat in the front of the van it must have been a bit of a nightmare. We pulled into a petrol station for what we assumed was a toilet break and a chance to get some snacks when the Frenchman informed us that our bus driver had had a heavy night last night and was falling asleep at the wheel. The rest of the journey was spent trying to see his face in the rear-view mirror to make sure he was awake, or watching the road with clenched buttocks as he risked our lives to get ahead of a lorry. It was especially scary when we hit a tropical storm and he didn’t slow down one iota, even though he couldn’t see two feet ahead of the windscreen. Absolute madman!

We kissed the ground upon arrival at Siem Reap and met our tuk tuk driver, Songcheat. I don’t know if that’s how you actually spell it but he had Mr.Cheat painted on the side of his ride. I’m not sure that’s the most effective way to sell your services in such an industry… Especially in such a competitive place as Siem Reap. A quick note on how Siem Reap was different to any other place we had been before, amongst others, was that the tuk tuk drivers decorated their vehicles to try and differentiate themselves from the other. We saw a Batman one, and an Ironman one for example. No others stick out right now but well, it has been a while..

We arrived at our guesthouse, The Mandalay Inn, it was lovely and the staff were so charming and amazing. They even saved us three dollars when they told us that the most we should pay for a tuk tuk to Angkor Wat was fifteen dollars, this was after we’d already agreed eighteen but we haggled it down to fifteen in the morning.

It was 8pm by the time we’d got to our guesthouse and settled in. I’d barely eaten anything all day and was unsurprisingly feeling the hunger. We headed towards pub street, not sure what to expect. It was a lively street, literally bouncing from the music blaring out of the Bamboo Club, lined with bloody pubs if you didn’t know. There were a large variety of pubs, if you couldn’t find one you liked then you’ve got issues or obviously don’t like pubs and should stay away from pub street. Some played live music, some played club music, some played football on the big screen, as I say, a place for everyone. It was lit up like a carnival and there were drunk foreigners everywhere.

We headed down a side street and bumped into four Danish girls we’d met previously on the tour and were friends with. They were eating at a little Italian place and it seemed pretty cheap, especially after the shocking prices we’d encountered beforehand. Well, I don’t know if they were actually bad prices or it was just the difference from spending Kip to spending US Dollars, it took some getting used to. I ordered homemade spag bol and it was incredible and so filling! Afterwards we headed back to Mandalay Inn for an early night ahead of an early morning visit to Angkor Wat.

Been There Don Det

Travelling to Don Det I realised that all I really knew of our destination was that it was called the 4000 islands. I was therefore expecting something a lot more impressive than what my eyes came to witness. There are actually only three islands large enough to host human civilisation, the largest being 30 km long. The majority of the ‘islands’ are little bushes growing out of the water. Who really could be bothered to count all of those bushes? And who’s to say there isn’t only 3999 and they miscounted? I’m sure nobody in their right mind would care enough to verify.

As you know we weren’t particularly clued up on the island but had decided to hop off as we hadn’t been to an island yet, we just assumed it would be great! It turned out it was, just not in the way you’d expect. Personally my expectations were white beaches, clear turquoise water and palm trees. Don’t ask me why I suddenly fancied that the Mekong river would turn blue. What you actually got was a slightly grubby island with a heavy emphasis on drinks and drugs, with two streets worth of restaurants, bars, and guesthouses. It sounds slightly underwhelming but it had its charms.

It had one main beach, a disappointing 20 metres in length, with sand of a muddy golden shade, the streets were paths where the grass had been worn away to dusty sand by travellers walking up and down it all day, the restaurants and bars were wooden shacks lining the path on either side, as you walked down it you’d hear Friends playing in one restaurant, while a little further down there’d be a random film playing at Adam’s bar. People were content to settle down in one of these restaurants for hours at a time, occasionally ordering drinks and enjoying the entertainment on offer. You couldn’t help but notice as you walked along the island that the rules on drugs are very lax, if not non-existant. Everywhere you looked there would be an advertisement for a ‘happy shake, or a ‘happy cake’, meaning food or drink with either marijuana or mushrooms infused into the recipe, your preference. There was even a happy pizza with mushrooms.

We stayed there three nights instead of the one. The main activities, if you didn’t want to get high every night, were kayaking or cycling to see the waterfalls and the dolphins. We’d had a busy few days so for the first two on the island it was nice to settle in to the relaxed style of life and recharge our batteries. There were a lot of fruit juices and ice shakes consumed on these first two days as the heat was so oppressive. Our guide informed us that it had reached 40 degrees on one of the days! Any sort of movement brought forth a cascade of sweat onto your forehead, not to mention other places of the body. It was a drain of energy, the only life form on the island that seemed unaffected by the heat was the energetic little puppy at our guesthouse. He was a little black and white bundle of cuteness who was determined to nibble the whole island to smithereens, I spent many hours chilling in the guesthouse either playing with the little guy or just watching him scamp about as he lifted my spirits to ever soaring new heights.

On our last full day on the island we were ready to finally do some real exploring. We hired some bicycles, less than a pound for the day, and set forth. The bicycles we’re quite battered little things but compared to the bikes we rented in Ayuttaya they were like majestic steeds alongside a poor donkey. The journey was a simple one thankfully, we followed the river mostly straight down to a bridge where we crossed to another island. Here we had to take a break as we were already sweating like buffaloes, I was tempted to join them chilling in the water. While we had a break we attempted to play with a tiny Laos child in the shop but I’m not sure he enjoyed it, in fact the look of fear in his eyes would suggest anything but enjoyment.

With another twenty minutes cycling we made it to the entrance of the waterfalls. However, I wouldn’t really describe them as waterfalls. They were more like rapids, the different tributaries meeting each other with aggression churning out foamy white water. As I looked on I was wishing I could just ride the rapids like a water slide, one because the water would have been so nice on my overheated body, and two because it looked pretty damn fun. It’s a shame that if I tried the rivers would have left me a bruised, bloody, drowned mess.

After the waterfall we followed the signs to see the dolphins, sadly the signs were misplaced by a really lovely looking bar that were trying to coax visitors I believe. I was definitely tempted to stay there for a couple of hours and enjoy the lovely views of the beach behind the bar, as well as the lovely views of the HD football they had playing on the telly. Alas I purchased a big bottle of water and we left in the pursuit of Dolphins.

We eventually made it, the path ending in a narrow track sloping downhill leading onto a beach. At the bottleneck of the track there were two ‘restaurants’ situated on the left and the right, both awkwardly competing for business. As you approached they would both shout, remonstrate, and plea for you to enter their restaurant. Thankfully when we arrived only the restaurant on the right were on their game and therefore coaxed us over before we knew we had an option.

We walked onto the beach secluded by the restaurants and there were only 4 other people on the whole beach. I couldn’t resist, I whacked my shirt off and dived into the water. It was so refreshing and so required. After that we haggled down the price to see the Dolphin’s to a halfway reasonable one and set off. So I assumed you’d go out on the river in a boat and the dolphins would swim alongside you etc. What actually happened was the boat took you to a really wide peninsula in the river, sits there while you get barracked by the sun, and while the Dolphin’s come out of the water far enough for you to see the tips of their noses, which wasn’t easy as we were miles away. After getting fed up we ventured back to our guesthouse. The bike home was arduous, I was aching after the first leg of the journey, and the heat simply wasn’t letting up.

After a fitful sleep due to the heat (you’re going to understand it was incredibly hot by the end of this blog post okay?!) the Laos/Cambodia bordered awaited us. We had a frightful journey ahead.

How many people can say they wet the bed in Laos?

We were supposed to depart for Kong Lor at 9am, but as we wandered downstairs in the hotel for breakfast I heard Christina cry out, ‘is that the bus?!’, as I turned to look in disbelief and clarified that it indeed was the bus, a horror stole over me that we’d have to spend another two nights at an overly expensive and rather poor hotel, and in a rather poor city. We were very fortunate to stumble upon the bus leaving early and after cancelling breakfast scrambled on, although the hotel brought us bread and jam for sandwiches before leaving which admittedly was very kind of them. 

We quickly got acquainted with the people on the bus, and said hello to some old friends from our first bus journey from Bangkok to Chiangmai, as well as another group who we were with from Chiangmai to Luang Prabang. 

We had a long drive today of over 8 hours and my stomach wasn’t feeling so great. I would describe the drive as forgettable. We stopped off for food at a few points but the choices were as bland as either rice or noodles with chicken, pork, or vegetables. 

However when we arrived in Kong Lor it was a true spectacle, it was truly worth an arduous drive into the middle of nowhere. It’s a very rural town surrounded by tobacco fields, and rice paddies with mountains looming in the near distance. It was like living in a painting harking back to simpler times. It’s only a small village and it seems mostly perpetuated by restaurants and small guesthouses. I could easily have spent a week or two there just getting away from the hustle and bustle of city’s and the constant sight of other backpackers. 

The attraction of Kong Lor however is not the beautiful surroundings nor the people, it is the Kong Lor cave. Kong Lor cave is a 7.5km cave that is open ended. The cave was discovered when people in the village were losing a lot of ducks for no apparent reason, when one day there was a local market and somebody recognised one of the ducks that was there. Upon enquiring where the duck was found they realised it was on the other side of the cave and it must have simple swam through, what a brave set of ducks. My knowledge is a bit rusty here but I believe an expedition was set up with the help of the French Government and people explored the caves. What they found was a wonderful tunnel that transports you into another world.

The cave entrance lies at the bottom of a large mountain, a rough estimate would be about 100 metres tall. We took a boat through the cave on our second day in Kong Lor and it was an incredible experience. As we sped through the cave I fancied myself an explorer breaking new ground on Mars. I kept wishing that the driver of the boat would stop our passage, turn off his headlamp, and allow me to sink into the water in the darkness. There is something attractive to me about floating in pure darkness for a while and forgetting any worries, hearing the water drip and reverberate around the cave, a hope that the darkness would swallow my anxieties and birth me from the cave a pure man. Sadly I couldn’t communicate these sort if inane wishes to our poor Laos driver, and if he were to understand I’m sure he would think me unhinged. I didn’t leave the cave a man reborn from the darkness but it was an amazing trip. It takes about two hours to get through the cave and back so it’s a lot of time to reflect and enjoy. 

At the entrance to the cave is a lovely lake with clear blue water. We were obliged to take a dip and it was sweet and cool after the heat of the day. We found a rock about fifteen feet high and after making sure it was safe, as mum would want, we proceeded to jump in. I never thought I’d be so nervous to jump in but a thousand butterflies suddenly burst from cocoons in my stomach, the exhilaration of falling and feeling the butterflies take off was exhilarating. 

At this time I was exhausted and starving so we hit the 1km walk back and grabbed good from a nice little guesthouse down the road. We ate on the decking and it was amazing to be able to sit and eat, both your food and the surrounding views with your eyes. 

After Kong Lor we had a few long days of travelling in a row, with there not being many places interesting enough to hop off and explore between there and Don Det. The first day we travelled to Thakek where we stayed in a lovely hotel overlooking a wide berth of the Mekong river. On the evening we went as a group for food, once again to the best restaurant chain in Laos, this time not ignorant. After a few days off of western food, mostly eating amazing Laos curries, I got back on the hype train with a chicken burger which was a bit of a letdown. However the White Russian I treated myself to was more than enough to make up for it. 

From Thakek we travelled to our second homestay. On the way we stopped at a temple that was considered very lucky and sacred as bombs had been dropped around that area but never exploded on the temple. They had a library with a lot of old Sanskrit scrolls written on bamboo which was really cool. 

After arriving at the homestay we retrieved a ball from somewhere and played football for a bit, or more aptly beachball as we were on sand. The hear was sweltering so I had to throw buckets of water over myself after and then have a nap before food. The spread of food was cooked by out guide Chao, as well as some helpers from the group. The spread looked really good but sadly I had no appetite at all and wasn’t feeling great. The only answer was to get drunk. Chao was really cool and had bought a bottle of Lao Lao as well as two bottles of Lao whiskey he mixed into a massive whiskey and coke. The group proceeded to drink and bond like only drinking ,or having a common enemy, can make you. 

Drinking games commenced and then some local Laos children came out and started playing with us way past their bedtime. We had a lot of fun, running around with them on our shoulders, playing shoulder wars, and arm wrestling. Safe to say I woke up the next day and I was sore. I don’t remember going to bed but to my utter shame I remember waking up. When I awoke I had the feeling of dampness, far too strong to be sweat from sleeping. Thinking upon this I decided I must have reverted back to being 3 years old and weed the bed. Instead of trying to hide it I announced it to the room at large and we all had a good laugh. Life goes on, and how many people can say they wet the bed in Laos? 

After setting off at 7am we had an eventful journey. One passenger was sick on the bus multiple times, and at one the stops Christina had gone in the search of food and come back looking like she’d fought a dragon, a big nasty burn on her right leg courtesy of a boiling hot exhaust pipe. 

We all felt grateful to arrive in Pakse in one piece, and we once again descended on a lucky restaurant. The food of choice was Indian. I went for the safe option of Tikka Masala, I can be forgiven it’s been 4 weeks, and I didn’t regret it. It was sumptuous, I could have eaten a whole four plates worth along with four naans. After an attempted wander but nowhere to wander to we went to bed. The next morning would be in Don Det, our next hopping off destination. 

Getting lost, getting dirty, getting drunk.

Slightly hungover and with a lack of sleep we floated south down the Mekong river. I had a profound moment as I listened to The Greatest Generation album by The Wonder Years and started making a list of all the notable firsts I’d had since I started travelling. The list will probably be massive by the end but isn’t that the point? After 5 hours on the boat and another amazing lunch we arrived at the Pak Ou caves. After ascending what felt like a never ending staircase we had a quick look and then were back on the boat. The caves weren’t that great, most interesting though was the fact that the local people take Buddha statues and place them in the cave so there were a lot of them. Some of them 100’s of years old.

We arrived in Luang Prabang around 5.30, leaving Lar behind as he had to get in a Tuk Tuk that was carrying our luggage all on his lonesome, which for some reason had the whole group laughing like hyenas.

We settled into our new hostel, a cheap and pleasant looking place, and agreed to meet at 7 to go for food. We went to the Lao Lao gardens in what would be our last meal with Lar, a truly emotional moment :,(

80% of the group ordered the Water Buffalo burger, a special recommended by the guides. This was our first introduction to food service in Laos. It had been similar in Thailand but not quite as drastic. It’s the polar opposite to what I’m used to in England where they make sure to bring all your meals at the same time so that you eat as one. Whether that is eating as a family, a couple, or a group of mates. In Laos the food comes out in a haphazard order with no real logic attached, it takes some getting used to.

The point is that mine and Christina’s meals were 3rd and 4th last out of the whole group. Mine, to my delight, came just as I ordered minus cheese: Water Buffalo Burger with French fries. When Christina was handed hers an abominable action had taken place and they had substituted the fries for crisps. She was absolutely devastated bless her. I did the honourable thing and shared my fries with her, although I don’t think they were enough to fill the hole in her heart, or her stomach. The burger itself was amazing. The only way I can describe it is to use an old cliche I don’t understand. I’d compare it with beef and say ‘same same, but different’. We headed back for an early night as we had a fun filled day awaiting us on Friday.

I awoke around 8am to get ready to head for the Kuang Si waterfalls at half past. Our guide recommended we get there nice and early to avoid the hustle and bustle and have the pools to ourselves. This advice would have been sound if we weren’t such mongos. The plan was to head to the top of the waterfall at the beginning while it was cooler, take some photos, enjoy the view and head down for a swim. We however took an over 30 minute detour through the jungle before heading to the top, It was completely planned.. Honest.

As we made our way up the correct path to the top a loveable stray joined us. I worried a little that it wouldn’t be able to make it’s way down but I’d carry it if I had to. And so I did sort of have to. At the top of the waterfalls there are pools of water about waist deep, the dog managed to fall in. Obviously. I ran to save it’s life but it had already clawed it’s way out somehow. I decided I couldn’t in good conscience leave the dog up there, knowing it could fall into big trouble. I hoisted it up into the protection of my arms and made sure he got down safe. He then ran off paying me no thanks for my service at all. The cheek of it.

After our much quicker descent we stripped off and jumped into the lovely looking pools fed by the waterfall. The water was cool but it was nice and refreshing after our intense climb. After a quick dip we headed to the Moon Bear sanctuary and learnt all the atrocities that are committed against their poor race. It’s really incredibly sad how they are kept in tiny cages while bear bile is extracted from their body, then cruelly killed. Furthermore it is sad to think how it’s extracted for a totally illogical reason. The bile has no scientifically proven positives for use, it’s similar to rubbing a toad on your chest when you have a cold and expecting to be miraculously well in the hour. It gets worse when the medicine it is used as a substitution for is cheap and can be produced without harming animals.

After a quick baguette, Laos is big on baguettes due to a French influence stemming from colonisation, we headed to the elephant sanctuary nearby to get hands on with the Oliphaunts!

To start off with we were introduced to Tar, a man I would get remarkably close to later on in the night. After a quick chat learning about the elephants we proceeded to feed them. They weren’t quite as adept with their trunks as I was expecting, unceremoniously dropping their food every now and then. The sound they make when they chew is also hilariously undignified. It sounds like how I imagine a car running over a watermelon sounds. We then took a quick ride on their back which I was slightly dubious about, however we were reassured they could handle our paltry weight. It seemed they have a policy of rotation with the elephants to ensure their safety. It was then time to get ourselves wet and dirty, riding the elephants in the more accustomed place on their neck, in the river. The best part was when a cheekiness you wouldn’t ever imagine hiding behind their laid back appearance, although that may just be me, rises to the fore and they playfully splash you with their trunk in the water.

It had been an exhausting but amazing day so far, however I’m glad to say the fun didn’t end there ladies and gentleman. It was Claire’s birthday! Claire is another of the Stray group and is one of the friends we’ve made so far on our travels. Duty says that when it’s your birthday you have to get well and truly battered, at least in Great Britain you do. Therefore we headed for a Lao barbecue and then drinks! Ahh but before that show got on the road we consumed a whole bottle of Lao Lao between 7 of us at the elephant sanctuary as pre-celebration-celebration. After 5 ‘high-tide’ shots for myself I was feeling rather merry. Not wanting to the waste the alcohol I consumed two tinnies of BeerLao to kill the time. Can you see where this is going yet, dare I ask?

A Lao barbecue is really cool. You get a circular dome that looks like a sieve turned upside down except it has raised edges at the bottom. Broth is poured into the bottom, you then place your meats on the top of the dome and their juices suffuse with the broth giving it a lovely taste. You can also use the broth to cook your veggies and noodles. There’s a large selection of raw meat, unrefrigerated to the dismay of some uptight people – myself being one of them -, you pick what you want on a plate and then take it to your own barbecue and cook it however you want. There’s also a selection of ready made food, this is where I filled my belly the most. They had the best spaghetti bolognese I’ve ever tasted, it had a spicy kick to it which set my mouth to delight, and they even made broccoli attractive to me by deep frying it. Not the most healthy form of eating it but we all have to find our own path. During this I managed to consumer another three large bottles of BeerLao and was raring to go.

We headed for a pub where the buckets were two for one. 25,000 kip per bucket. That’s £2.10 for a ridiculously strong bucket of alcohol. If only I could take Laos home with me. At this point me and Tar decided to share our buckets. For some odd reason, of which I know but wouldn’t care to admit, me and Tar decided to drink our buckets as fast we could. We did about three in half an hour. Add on top of that a Johnny Walker Black whiskey and coke, a lovely drink I couldn’t help but remonstrate over as I drank.
This is pretty much where the evening ends for me, with Tar sucking on my tongue as my first ever bromance with a Laos man flourishes into an almost homosexual experience. I’ll never learn. I remember arriving at the bowling alley. Pray forgive me, I’ve forgotten to explain the ‘bowling alley’. Laos is a communist country, it’s mostly run by ex military men who are rather untrusting and dislike fun, promiscuity, nightlife, and of course all the trouble that comes with it. They’ve seen their neighbouring country Thailand, parts of it anyway, descend into debauchery. Sex shows everywhere, pissed foreigners, and again, all the trouble that comes with such an industry. Therefore the Laos government have seen fit to place a curfew in Laos. All people have to be back in their rooms by 12am, bars and pubs have to close at 11.30 to give people time to get back. This is a general rule, as long as you’re not causing any trouble I don’t think it’s an issue being out later. But, where there’s a will there’s a way. Some genius decided to start a bowling alley that has a license to stay open until around 2 or 3am. When the bars close the Tuk Tuk’s are out in full force. “Bowling!” They shout. We of course headed bowling! I was desperate to see what it was all about. Also of course to keep drinking, as my drunk persona just loves to do.

Bowling was what you’d expect really, it’s a genuine bowling alley and there’s people selling beer. Quite anti-climactic but we got a lane and went to town on it. When we arrived at bowling I decided to urinate in the bushes, against all common sense I thought I had, considering the toilets were about ten metres away inside the building. I stumbled my way through the bushes, falling over multiple times and finding myself quite the epitome of hilarity, chuckling away as I do.

In the end I was pissed as a fart but I could keep my pride intact knowing I outstayed Tar, who ended up puking all over the toilet floor and sleeping in the Tuk Tuk for the last hour we bowled. At least all I did was try to keep drinking and steal peoples go at bowling..

Safe to say that the following day, that’s a Saturday if you’re not keeping track, I spent mostly in bed until the evening. If you’ve been keeping track you might be aware that this Saturday I speak of is also the 14th of February, valentines day. Group sigh together gentleman, on one. Three, two, one, sigh. As you can imagine Christina wasn’t particularly happy with hungover James and wasn’t happy with my drunken antics. Therefore she left me to drown in my guilt and sorrow as she went for a wander. After I’d made my apologies upon her return we marched to the river to a restaurant called Riverside Sunset. We like riverside restaurants almost as much as they like obvious names. To credit the restaurant though the view was splendid and my eyes did pop with delight at the sunset.

Entertainment was provided by a large group of Asians that literally paraded for forty minutes taking photos of each other, the sunset, and a tree. We had an exceptional vegetable curry contraption with coconut milk. It was incredible. My paltry spaghetti bolognese was a huge letdown afterwards, but it was never going to live up to the hype of the curry.

Tune in next time for lazy days, food, and drama, on the next episode of James travelling!